May

Four

I don't feel like facing my 'friends'. I want to sleep but Dylan said that I should go and face my fears. I hate school!

"I hate you." I say facing Dylan. He is smiling and I want to wipe it off with a punch. I contain myself.

"I love you too, now go and tell him." I really want the world to just stop.

"I don't want to." I whine I am anxious about it. Knots are forming in my stomach my heart is beating so fast that it hurts. When I breath I feel like I am dying.

"I double dare you or are you a chicken?" He starts making chicken noises. "No one said it will be easy but tell you what, go do it and we will go to my house and watch movies and The resident, Conrad." My only weakness.

"Okay. You sure that you want to skip the entire day?" I don't want him to do that.

"Yeah. You are my friend and I want you to be happy." I walk over to where Lisa, Ash and Ryan are standing.

"Hey guys. Ash, can I talk to you, in private please?" I am dreading this.

"Yeah, whatever. Why do you want to talk to me." He stares at me, would you guess that we are dating.

"You know that I love you and I care about you and that I have forgiven you time and time again and we have been through a lot but I need to grow without you, I can not do this anymore..." He cuts me off

"Where is this coming from, is it because of Dylan?" I stand firm to make him see that I am not going to let him

"You hurt me over and over and expect me to be okay. You don't love me anymore. I know that you have been cheating on me for the past few months. Please, let's not make this something it is clearly not. Let's go our separate ways and just be acquaintances." I don't want that but what can I say we share mutual friends.

"I can not do that. You know what, F**k you May." He says storming to his friends and with tears in my eyes, I walk towards Dylan and he hugs me and I see Ash coming

"You think you can steal my girlfriend?" What's up with his ego?

"I am..." Dylan says as he stutterss

"Ash! He didn't steal me, You lost me!" I say turning away and slightly running. I just want to get away.

"May!" I hear Dylan running after me and shouting my name.

"Dylan." I wait for him.

"Let's go. It's going to be okay." We walk to his house and his parents are not there. He gives me the remote. He said he is going to make us some snacks.

"It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I cried it out last night. It's going to be okay." I say as he looks at me, his eyes questioning my mental state, I would too.

"You are stronger than you think." He says sitting besides me.

"Thank you, Dylan." I reply looking at Dr Brennan.

"You are welcome. That's what friends are for." Yeah, friends, at least I have one.

"I have a job interview later on." I say remembering the 'interview'

"Okay. I'll walk you there."

"Thanks." I sit on the couch and just process what this breakup could mean.

For one: I'm single
Two: I'm done with him
Three: I'm free emotionally.
Four: I can not be friends with Ryan.
Five: the tension between Ash and myself will cause a bit of an uncomfortable situation for all our friends.

I check my phone to see whether Lisa has texted me and she hasn't, maybe later but I know she is not going to.

I guess I will talk to coach tomorrow.

We are walking to the café and I feel my anxiety raising, every step I take feels heavier than the last and I am sweating and my breathing is faster and shallow. I feel like I was drowning. Dylan noticed he just told me to breath, he didn't ask me questions.

"I hope I get the job." I say looking at Dylan to distract myself from the fact that I was nearing the café.

"You will don't worry." I don't even feel like it.

"How can I not? I really really need this job." I feel like you can hear the desperation in my voice.

"If you keep on stressing you won't get it. Just relax."

"Okay. I'm calm. I'm cool."

"Now go in there and get the job." I walk into the café. It's relatively big and almost full. I walk to the counter.

"Hey, I am looking for the manager?" I say as I reach the counter.

"That's me." Says the man. He looks fifty or around there.

"I am here about the job." I wipe my palms against my jeans and I try to look everywhere besides his eyes.

"Yes. I remember now. Uhm, you will be doing what I am doing and you will also be cleaning tables. You can start tomorrow and be on a probation period for a week. Any questions?"

"Yeah, I have school so how about I work from  after school until the shop closes?" My breathing starts going back to normal.

"That is fine with me. See you tomorrow." He says going to the back. I walk out and Dylan is waiting.

"I got the job." I say, not as enthusiastic but still.

"Told yah. I got to go to practice."

"It's okay. I have to get home to my mom."

"See you tomorrow." He walks towards the school and I walk in the opposite direction.

Walking home, I feel like I am being watched and I do not like it. I finally get to the safety of my house and I go to my mom's room to check on her. I hope this jobs help a bit but deep down I know it won't.

I walk into her room, she is asleep on her bed. I fetch the bills and I leave her room.

I have put them in a system. Thank God I took accounting in school.

I put them in order of which need to be payed first. I called some of the creditors asking for a payment plan.

I know my mom will not like that I am stressing about this but I can not have her stressing about them either.

Right now my mom owes fifty two thousand three hundred and twelve.

One fight and all of that is payed and you have more left.

No.

I make a separate list for monthly costs because we need to pay those every month. One thing I am thankful for is that my mom does not have credit cards but she does have loans that need to be payed.

"Mommy, it's time to get ready."

"May, where are the bills that were on my table?"

"I took them. Don't worry, I got a job so I will help you."

"You don't have to darling."

"I want to. Go enjoy your bath." I walk out to go and make her some food. While I am in the kitchen I think of Josh.

I hope he is not getting himself into trouble.

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Author's Note

- Thank you for reading
- Please feel free to comment and vote
- Stay safe ❤

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