May

Three

"Mom?" I say as I open the door. She must be asleep. I walk to her room and she is there, asleep on her desk.

I pick her up and help her into her blankets. I will wake her up later so she can get ready. On her table there are many papers and I notice that it is the bills. They are pilling up again. She works two shifts to help this from happening but without my help it is not getting better. I honestly need to get a job.

That means quitting soccer.

My mom means more to me than soccer. Let me start the job search. I grab my laptop and I begin looking for jobs around my town.

There is a waitress, receptionist, cashier and assistant to a receptionist, needed.

I apply to them all and I wait for the replies.

The first one in is the receptionist.
They denied because of my lack of qualifications.

Second was the waitress job.
They said that they already found someone.

Third was the assistant to the receptionist.
They said that I was under-qualified.

The cashier job was at a cafe not far from school. The manger wants to see me tomorrow. I will go see coach and tell him that I'm off the team, he won't like it but I need to help my mom.

We can not lose this house, she has lived here since she was twenty and it has a lot of sentimental value to her and for all the pain I put her through this is the least I can do.

It's been three days since I helped Josh. My sleep is haunted by the memory of his voice and face. I just have this feeling of wanting to meet him again. I probably won't and for a weird reason I know that I am lying to myself.

"Mom. It's time to get ready for work."

"May, what time is it?" She asks as I lead her to the bathroom.

"It's five o'clock. I called your co-worker and said you might be five minutes late. I ran you a bath and ironed your clothes." I say shutting the door and making my way out of her room.

"Thank you, baby. Why are you here, should you not be at soccer practice?" Why? Why are we doing this?

"I quit. It no longer interested me." She knew I was lying but she didn't have enough energy to fight me and I was thankful. She would tell me not to do it because she always says
"I want you to enjoy your teenage years like I enjoyed mine." My grandparents disowned her when she had a child out of wedlock. She moved here alone because there was some issue as to why my father could not move with her.

"I will make you some food." I say as she is in the bathroom and I am at the door of her room.

"Hey Dylan."

"Can I come over?"

"Sure." Twenty minutes later he is at my front door and ready to learn.

My mom left at to six and I told her about Dylan.

"There is a party on Friday, are you going?" I ask him because it would be boring if he wasn't there and I want to see him drunk.

"Yeah and You?" I roll my eyes at that.

"Yeah, Ash would flip if I didn't." One word, Why?

"Why?" There it is, even he wants to know.

"He wants me to be there so that everyone knows that he is my boyfriend. I also go to have fun." Mostly for him.

"The more you tell me about Ash, the more I think that he is a douche. He shouldn't treat you like that and you can not allow him to."

"I am afraid because they are my only friends. " that is not my only fear. I have many more, tons, some that are the reason I lay awake at night.

"What about me? I am wounded." I laugh at that.

"Yeah but you were friends with Ash and Ryan first." Trying to find excuses, what I do best.

"Not really. I just spoke to them." Find one for this, I can not.

"Okay." I nod my head.

"So what you going to do?" I wish I knew.

"I do not know. I will think about what you said." That's all I can do.

"That's all I wanted. You deserve to be happy." No I don't. I honestly don't. Never in a thousand years.

"Okay, sappy sad sax. You should head home."

"I am. Keep safe and think about what I said."

I close the door and I go to my room.

Breaking up with Ash is something I have thought about for ages. The first time he cheated I really wanted to but I didn't because he begged me to and I didn't want to be alone at the time.

I feel like now I need to let go of Ash to set myself free but I don't know how or if I can. I want to do it tomorrow but I need more time to convince myself.

I sit on the bed and I remember all our happy memories.

The time we were camping at the back of his van. It's was amazing. He was so kind and considerate. He planned the entire thing. He bought me all of my favourite snacks and we listened to some amazing songs. We watched the sunset and the sunrise. It was the first time he said the three words that haunt me.

The time when we were arguing and I ran into the rain and he ran after me. We were drenched and he pulled me into his house and dried me off. He was screaming at me while doing it but at least he did it.

The time we graffitied the school along with Ryan. We loved doing that. We were three peas in a pod. Almost always together and causing mischief.

When he used to threaten guys who were looking at me for too long. It made me smile.

When we went to the coffee shop down the street and he went on top of the table and screamt "I love May!" I was so embarrassed and he got kicked out but it made me smile.

The time we bunked school and we ran into some dodgy guys and he protected me. The good in him is why I stay.

There are so many more that come to mind and I am crying and I just want the hurt in my chest to stop. I feel my heartstrings tugging and I am in so much emotional pain. I start thinking about all the bad things he has done.

When he slapped me for talking to this guy at a party, the guy just wanted to know where the bathroom was. He was a few feet away from me. Ash slapped me when we were in his car.

When he slept with that girl, it was the first time he cheated and now he is cheating again and I know with who and that is what hurts the most.

When he kissed his ex, he said that it was a mistake but I knew it wasn't I was just afraid to let go.

When he was ignoring me because I did not tell him I was staying home to look after my mom.

When I almost kissed Ryan, he beat Ryan up and called me a slut and other horrible things, he spread rumours about me for a while and stopped talking to Ryan too.

For a moment I reach for the blade but I stop. I breath heavier and deeper. I want to grab it and I feel my hand lifting but my mind saying no and I drop the hand but my eyes are fixated on it.

He has no control over you and you will stop giving him power by leaving him. You need to let him go so that you can heal, so that, that pain in your heart can heal.

You deserve happiness and the universe will give it to you after you heal. Set yourself free from him.

Acceptance is the way.

The voice was smooth and calming. I crawl to my bed. I will do it, I can do it. I am strong enough.

I go to sleep with a pained heart but a clear mind.

•• ••
Author's Note

- Thank you for reading
- Please feel free to comment and vote.
- Stay safe.

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