Honey Rain

Chapter Twelve

I was awake at three a.m. this morning, panicked and feeling terribly anxious, my heart was racing. I slid out of Harry's arms and walked through the hallway.

Every step felt heavy and uncomfortable. I was nearly blind with panic and my breathing was becoming shallow. The air felt scalding hot against my skin. I walked to the bathroom and turned the sink on, splashing cold water on my face. It wasn't helping at all and I put my hands on the counter for stability.

I was becoming painfully aware that I hadn't cut myself in over a month and I was getting desperate. My eyes pricked with tears as I frantically sifted through the cabinet drawers but found nothing. The desire was overwhelming and I dragged my fingernails up my arm, begging for any bit of relief, but finding none. I went back to my bedroom and opened the top drawer of my dresser, where I always had kept blades.

My hands were shaking badly as I took the sharp bit of metal back with me to the bathroom. I rested my arm down against the counter and dragged the blade in a straight line across my wrist.

I felt immediate satisfaction at the burning feeling on my skin. I was still for a moment as I watched drops of red splatter into the sink.

My breathing had returned to normal after a few minutes when blood had stopped flowing from the open gash on my arm. I turned the sink on and let water wash away the smears of red on my skin, toweling my arm off afterwards.

I quietly snuck back into my room and snuggled up against Harry, putting his arm around me. I rested my hand on his chest and felt it rise and fall with every breath until I fell asleep.

"Hey, angel." Harry whispered to me and caressed my face with his hand. It must've been ten already based on how high the sun was in the sky.

It was the first day of winter break today and I wasn't ready to leave the comfortable position I was in. I opened my eyes and he smiled warmly at me.

"Good morning." I linked my fingers with his and kissed the back of his hand.

Harry tilted his head and pressed a warm kiss to my forehead before rolling out of bed and walking to the closet. I intently watched the muscles in his back as he pulled his shirt on.

As much as I didn't want to get out of bed, I wanted to be closer to Harry. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around him, leaning up to kiss the side of his face a few times. He giggled and turned around, putting his arms around my back and bending down to press a chaste kiss to my lips.

Harry slid his hand into the collar of my shirt and pulled it down slightly to look at the bruises on my chest. I had seen them earlier and thought they were looking better.

"Oh, that's almost all gone." He smiled and moved his hand. "Show me the other ones, babe."

I couldn't take my shirt off now; he would see what I had done last night. "Um, they all look the same. You don't need to look at them."

He arched an eyebrow. "I just want to see if you're alright. Come on, take your shirt off."

"No!" I didn't mean to sound so defensive. "I mean, I- I just don't want to show you."

Harry slid his hands soothingly up and down my arms, palms flat and solid. His expression softened. "Is everything alright, Louis?"

I cleared my throat. "Yeah." My voice wavered a bit.

"What's wrong?" He could obviously tell that I was anxious, and for no apparent reason.