Jegulus - I'll be good

Part Sixteen

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Regulus didn't exactly know how he ended up here. He sat in the astronomy tower, had a mug of hot chocolate in his hands although he didnt like that and tried to sort out what to say. And James Potter sat just a few meters away from him, patiently waiting for him to open up. "I really don't like hot chocolate", the Black pointed out and stared into the mug. But at least it was warm and this definitely didn't do any harm, as he needed it."That's unfortunate. You should still drink it. You look like you collapse any moment, so get that sugar into your blood. Moony also always says chocolate makes someone feel better and you know, he's right", James responded in a tone that didn't accept any objections. That he crossed his arms just made it even clearer. Regulus sighed defeated and carefully sipped on the hot drink. And..wow. It tasted incredible. Like Christmas eve in front of a chimey in a comfortable and cozy home, with real and caring people...but in a cup. Why did he believe that he didn't like it? Probably because he had never tried it; Walburga didn't allow sweet food and drinks and when he came to Hogwarts, he never even thought about trying it, as he was so used to coffee and tea already. He felt James eyes on him and looked up, giving his best not to turn red because he felt caught off guard: "What?" "I'm absolutely convinced, that you don't like it, little Black", James gave back with a grin. It had been more than visible..apparently and that made Regulus really uncomfortable. A little bit grumpy he moved from the sitting pillow to the ground to escape the older's eyes. It somehow made him really nervous and it wasn't as bad when he didn't see him. For a while they sat in silence, until Reggie drank up his hot chocolate and put the mug aside. "I..I don't really know what I was expecting, when..I asked you for help. Really, I don't know anything at all, I just..", he stumbled over his words, not really knowing what he should say. But he couldn't waste James' time, so he really needed to come forward. Was it too late to take his request back? It wasn't smart at all to ask for help - especially not James, whom he should avoid at every cost. He was risking the Gryffindor's safety, the safety of his brother and their friends. Oh this was a very very bad idea. "Now tell me what happend", James interrupted his spiraling thoughts and suddenly sounded way too close. And he almost got a heartattack, as he noticed that the headboy had a talent for moving without any noise, because he really sat next to him now. But he was also grateful for this distraction, because it helped to not jump back into the whole thought process. "Nothing really, I just..I guess I've reached a point where I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't just leave like Sirius did..not anymore", the Slytherin finally brought over his lips and leaned against the wall, "and actually I shouldn't talk with you..especially not with you."Prongs had to laugh: "Well, that just shows that you've also got some rebellion in you. Don't worry about me, Reggie. I'm good at taking care of myself. Tell me, how I can help you. Do you need a place to stay? You can also come to my parents, they will surely happily take you under their wings like they did with Sirius. Or do you need help with getting out from the deatheaters? I'm sure we find a solution for that too."For a moment, Regulus was really speechless again. Of course James offered him his help, but he really didn't expect him to be serious about it. But it seemed like he was ready to jump into the whole thing head first if necessary and it built a knot in Reg's throat. They barely knew each other, but it seemed like James really cared for him. "As much as I would want that...I can't. It would be too risky for all of you. And I also don't want to run away..p-per se. They kind of trust me and I need to do something in this war. I'm planning to work against them..from the inside and therefore I need to stay", the Black answered after a moment of catching himself. So he definitely had no idea how James should help him. But just talking to him already had a calming effect and it felt like he could breathe a bit better again. And that was worth a lot already. Now it was James who stayed silent for a while and Reg wondered what he was thinking. Probably that it was idiotic? Would make sense..he wasn't fully convinced of his plan either, but it was all he had. He was in a shitty situation, but he wanted to make something useful of it. "That really doesn't sit well with me", James pointed out and took his glasses off, absentmindedly cleaning them with his shirt, "I don't underestimate you, but these people are terrible. I know what they did to Sirius and I don't want to imagine what they do to you if they find out what you're doing. We need to work out a safe plan. If you want to spy on them, I'm sure the aurors will keep an eye on you."Regulus slightly flinched at the word 'aurors'. He didn't like them..they were as much danger as the deatheaters were in his eyes. How much would he love to just burn all his bridges and run away..create a new life. But it was unrealistic and impossible. So he stopped himself from planting this hope into his mind. "I can't..I won't work with aurors. I don't trust them at any point", he shook his head, "I'd rather do that alone than working with them." "That's ridiculous. Do you trust me?", the Potter wanted to know with a raised eyebrow and scanned the Slytherin's face. That was a good question. Regulus never actively decided to trust him, but he was here so..he kind of did?The Slytherin shrugged slightly: "I guess I do...That's why I'm here.""Then I'm sorry to inform you that you do trust an auror, because that's what I'm going to be after school", James let him know with a smugly smirk. That was one way to outsmart someone. Regulus shook his head and a small smile appeared on his lips: "You're an idiot. That doesn't count." He wrapped his cloak tightly around himself and sank more down. Suddenly he felt insanely exhausted, his body became heavy and he could barely move. But not like two nights ago in the snow. But in a safe way. Before he even noticed, he drifted into sleep.

It was dark and the smell of moldy water was in the air. Regulus could barely see his own hand and he felt very tense, like he was about to do something really, really bad. He had disconnected himself emotionally from everyone and burnt all the bridges behind him. He felt cold, but peaceful - on the inside. He knew that he wouldn't return. But he didn't know what he was doing and where he was.
He looked down and noticed that his shoes were standing in water, which explained the smell. His eyes got used to the darkness slowly too and he understood that he was in a cave.
"Hello?" His voice was thrown back at him from the walls, but he got no answer. Confused he walked on the dry grounds and looked around, his consciousness seemed to know exactly what he was searching for, although he didn't. Then he found it. A fountain in the middle of the cave and he was magically pulled to it. Regulus give in to the strong urge to put his hand in the water..when a cold hand grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. Regulus let out a scream- 

- and woke up with this scream from the top of his lungs, covered in cold sweat. As soon as he noticed the screams, he shut his mouth and pressed his hand on it to keep silent. Confusion and fear paralysed him and it was hard to process anything that was around him at the moment. This dream felt so real that he tried to check if his shoes were wet, but of course they were not. "Are you okay?", James' voice cut through the silence and made him flinch once more; he wanted to jump up, but his body didn't move. And the reason wasn't fear. James arms were wrapped around him, so tightly that his chest touched Reg's back and the younger one could feel his heartbeat. It made him nervous, but it also calmed him down. Kind of grounded him and finally brought him back to reality.