Jegulus - I'll be good

Part twenty-one

TW: Death

Will I stop uploading chapters the moment they're finished writing instead of waiting so I have something to post when my motivation is gone? Probably not, because I love reading your comments too much xD they brighten every day and I'm so grateful for your interactions.
I've also started a modern Wolfstar AU yesterday, if you want to take a look :)
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He read the letter once. Twice. A third time. He saw the words, but his brain wasn't able to process them. The rest of his body however did. His hands started to tremble, his lungs pressed out every air and something must have thrown a mountain at his stomach. If he wouldn't be already sitting on his bed, his legs wouldn't have carried him anymore.

Dear Mister James Fleamont Potter,

with a very heavy heart we have to inform you about your parents' death. They died in fulfilling their auror duties last night. Everything will be ruled according to their testaments and the auror section collectively will plan and bear their funeral. If you wish to be included into the planning, we will pick you up at Hogwarts anytime. The informations about the testaments will be sent out seperately in the last days. My deepest condolences,Therin RainsworthHead of Aurors

Dry sobs left his throat when it finally sunk in and he started to tremble uncontrollably. No. No. NO. This had to be a mistake, this couldn't be reality. This couldn't be true. Slowly, pain was taking over his body and pushed away every other feeling. His parents couldn't be dead. They were too talented, too strong, they couldn't....He didn't know how many hours of sobbing had passed by when the door opened. His head hurt like hell and he could barely see anything as his eyes were so puffed. "Hey, Regulus and me spoke and-", Sirius stopped mid sentence as he noticed James laying on his bed rolled together like that and immediately switched into being worried. "What's wrong, Prongs? Did you fight with Lily?", he asked clueless and sat down on James' bed, "you know that's going to be okay, yeah? You always make up."James still didn't reply or even react to him and he frowned, until his eyes fell on the letter that was in his hand, wrinkly, but otherwise intact. He took it from him and his eyes flew over the short text, his face darkening. "Fuck, NO", he yelled and kicked the next best thing, the nightstand, "no no no no no. Fuck this shit! Fuck. I'm so sorry, James, I..fuck." This was terrible. It hit him on a personal level, too, as they were like family for him in the last years. But he couldn't make that about himself, it were James parents at very first. "I don't know what to do or say, I'm so sorry, Prongs..god I wish I could do something", he added and walked back to the bed, dropping next to James and wrapping his arms around his friend. And James let him. It didn't help in particular, but..it somehow did a bit. After a few minutes he felt like he could breathe a bit without feeling needles being pushed into his lungs and he turned around to look at Sirius, his brother by choice. "I can't believe it", he said hoarsely and pressed his lips into a thin pale line, trying to keep himself from bursting into tears immediately again. Sirius looked as devastated as he felt and he knew it was hard for him too. "I've just wrote them a letter yesterday morning, Pads..I...they can't be gone, this must be a terrible joke", James brought over his lips, his muscles tense from trying to keep himself steady and calm, but he could feel himself failing already again. Sirius, helpless in situations like this anyway, rubbed over his back: "I wish..I'm so useless right now, but you're not alone in this, yeah? You've me and Remus and Peter and Lily and..you're not alone." It probably didn't make anything better, because it didn't change the situation, but he really didn't know what else to say. "I know..thank you..", Prongs replied quietly and closed his eyes. He felt like he was being pulled apart in every direction and couldn't stop it. What an awful day.

A week later...

James sat on a seat in the highest row of the Quidditch pitch, not paying attention to anything, just wanting to be alone and have his peace. Yesterday had been the funeral and he was still dreading it. His parents had been well known in the wizarding world, so many people came to say goodbye and to speak out their condolences. It had been a beautiful ceremony, but it was aching. He missed them every day with the painful knowledge that they wouldn't be there when he graduated or any day after. They wouldn't be there if he ever married, got into his job, or any other event. He's been downspiraling into that pretty much every day and avoided people as much as he could. The professors let him stay away from the lessons these days and he was very thankful for that. He closed his eyes and let the wind cool his face. At least he didn't start to cry everytime he thought about them anymore. Maybe he was just completely dehydrated, but he saw it as some progress. James knew it was okay to grief and that it was very much needed too, but he was tired of being under these emotions all the time. James opened his eyes when he felt some kind of warmth on his left and noticed someone sitting next to him now. Found out, he wasn't wrong. It was Regulus, whom he had avoided as much as everyone else. He didn't think about him one time and also forgot to talk to Lily, as it didn't have any priority at the moment. For some time, they just sat in silence next to each other. Prongs was a bit tense about what the Slytherin would say to break it. He didn't want to hear any more expressions of condolences. Really not. "Thank you for convincing Sirius to talk to me the other day", Regulus finally broke the silence with a quiet voice and looking at the other side of the seating rows, "I never got to thank you for that. You really helped me." The Gryffindor was quite relieved about his words and his lips curled up into a small smile; grateful that Reg didn't talk about the obvious, tho he could hear on his tone that he felt empathy for his situation. He had to clear his throat before he was able to say something: "Glad I was able to help."They fell back into silence in which he took a moment to look over Reggie. The bruises on his face had healed during the week, he had a bit more colour in his face and even though he had this steady little frown plastered on his expression, he seemed to feel a bit better than when he saw him last. Between his own sorrow, he was glad about it. "It's Hogsmeade weekend..would you be interested to join me for a trip tomorrow? It's okay if you say no, but maybe to come out from here a bit.. I don't know..maybe it's a silly idea", Regulus finished his sentence becoming insecure about his suggestion while speaking it out. It was a stupid question, wasn't it? James had friends to go with and next to that a trip to the village was probably one of the last things he wanted to do. James looked at him slightly surprised. Now that really was unexpected. "What got you this idea, little Black?", he asked mildly curious, but absolutely not being aversed to do that. Honestly, it sounded like a good idea. "Oh I..", Regulus started and turned a bit red, "we are..we are friends, right? And you helped me so often, I want to..help you back? If that's a stupid idea, I understand tho. You don't have to." He ended his last sentence very shyly and stared down at his hands. "No, you're right", James said after a moment and the Slytherin's head quickly lifted with wide eyes, absolutely surprised. That view let him grin a bit more. Surprise was a powerful weapon. "We might have to find out how, tho. As it's quite dangerous", James added - dangerous to be seen together, clearly. And that was something he didn't want to risk for a glass of butterbeer. "That's no problem", Regulus smiled excitedly, "I'm..I know an illusion potion, that will hide our real identities. Had to polish some plans for..well, plans and used it a few times. It works and I swear it won't poison you."That was when James really had to bark a laugh. His first laugh in a week, and it felt bloody great and Regulus being this enthusiastic jumping ball was a good reason to: "Alright. Then I guess it's settled." That could be really interesting. And now he wondered if he should really talk to Lily first. Of course, they would go to the village as friends, not more, not less and that was nothing to worry about. But considering the actual feelings in his chest, it felt wrong not to tell her. Who would've thought that he welcomed this complicated topic as a distraction from his parents.