Jegulus - I'll be good

Part Nineteen

Eeeh I know it should've been James' turn of parts now, but this part wrote itself, so sorry for twice of Reggie hehe. Mild warning for strong language in this one. As always, thank you for your votings and comments and over 44K reads! That's so insane, omg. Love to you all, I hope you're doing okay ♥

Listen to If you stay from Kat Green while reading for some chills, it's the song that made this part flow on its own.
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Regulus was terrified. He'd never expected to be as afraid of being confronted with his brother than he was with his parents, though it definitely had very different reasons. He didn't want to mess it up. He was tired and fed up with the way their relationship was these days and he knew very well that it was his fault at most. And it had taken him far too long to admit it to himself, too busy with shoving the fault to Sirius and his parents. And of course they also played into it, but nobody forced him to act the way he did.

But now he was here, sitting on a tree log, quite shaky, with his heart racing and barely being able to breathe, while he waited. And waited. It felt like forever until he finally heard steps coming closer. Instinctively he laid his hand on his wand holder - he still had in the back of his mind that the message didn't have to be from Sirius and could just be a trap, even though the handwriting was his brother's, without any doubt. He held his breath and stared at the direction from where the steps were coming. When Sirius came in sight, he relaxed, just a little bit and let go of the wand again- very sure that his brother wouldn't attack him, even if he had every reason to do so.Sirius looked at him quite sceptical and Regulus was sure he shot the same look back as this situation was very weird and a bit uncomfortable. "Prongs wouldn't shut up about how we should talk to each other. Said he was staying with you last night. What kind of shady stuff are you planning, Regulus?", Padfoot came to the point without hesitation, arms crossed in front of his chest and with a look of vigilance on his face. Regulus opened his mouth and closed it without saying anything, feeling his face heating up. James told him WHAT? Goddammit. He could throw a quaffle into his face for that, honestly. "No shady stuff", he brought out after a moment to catch himself and rubbed over his face, "I'm..I really wanted to talk to you. I hate how things are between us, okay? I know it was my fault mostly, because I cut you off too, and I'm also serious about what I've said a few weeks ago, but I...I..can't we go back? Let this all behind?" He blurted out these things like his life depended on it, but if he didn't say it all at once, he'd probably not bring up the courage to do so again. That was just a fact. Sirius looked at Regulus distant, almost cold: "Oh, so now you come crawling to me? After you had the nerve to tell me we aren't brothers anymore?"The Slytherin didn't know what to say and looked at the ground. A lump built up in his throat and he had to remind himself to breathe and tired to find some words. But he didn't have to. His brother continued to talk. "I don't know how you got James to trust you, and I swear by my life, if you touch him or hurt him in any way, you'll wish to never be born. Stay away from him", came from the Gryffindor harshly. Even though Reg didn't look up from the ground, he could feel Sirius piercing look, and he felt a deep sting in his heart. Merlin, he had every right to think like that, right? He was awful all these years, he'd been obedient to their parents, even joined the deatheaters. The stinging pain on his right underarm kept reminding him of that every day and it was probably the biggest mistake he had made in his short life. "I can't blame you for any of that", Reggie said quietly and rubbed his arm nervously, "but I'm honest. I know that I was terrible okay? I know that I did many things wrong and that it hurts other people and..but Sirius, I'm here now and I want us to come along. I'm not about to pull shady stuff at any of you. James stayed with me, because I asked him to, because I didn't want to be alone, okay? I asked him to help me..help me with.. I don't really know...not breaking apart maybe. He's such a good person and he encouraged me to clear things with you and that's..that's all. I want that, too. I miss my brother." A moment of silence came up between them, but he saw Sirius' face softening a bit and after a brief moment of hesitation, he stepped closer to Reg: "That's no reason to cry tho. It's not the end of the world."The younger blinked confused and brought up his hand to his face, just to notice it being wet. He hadn't even noticed it and embarrassedly turned red, while wiping over his face with his sleeve. "Who did that?", Padfoot asked in the next moment, with tension in his voice as he stared at his brother suspiciously. He knew the answer already, but he hoped for a different one. Maybe that Reg fell of a brooom or some other idiotic stuff. "It..it doesn't matter", Reggie answered cautiously turning his face a bit more to the side, so it wasn't that visible anymore, "let's stay at the topic, alright?"Sirius sighed and ran his fingers through his long hair, before dropping his arm: "There's nothing but trouble with you. Okay. I believe you, for now. But if I notice the smallest suspicious thing..."Nervously Regulus bit his lower lip and started to pace up and down: "Well, I definitely can't avoid suspicious things, you see..I still have my role to play and give them no reason to doubt my loyalty. Not only for the sake of my life, but also for my plans of helping to stop them.""Yeah, James mentioned something of you being an absolute idiot and having this reckless and stupid plan", Sirius snorted and grabbed his brother's arm once he passed by, "there needs to be something else. You can come to us. Fight with us."Regulus gave him a small smile, a little bit overwhelmed from gratitude, but also sadness: "I can't. When this all is over the future will look differently. But I have to do it my way. You wouldn't want anyone to keep you from your plans either, do you?"Sirius cursed like a sailor as he let go off his arm and pinched the bridge of his nose: "Fuck this. I don't know if I should be proud that you're going your own path or if I should hex you for being such a stupid brat. I slowly understand Remus' frustration with me." Regulus couldn't help it - the last comment let him chuckle. Probably they weren't much different at all. Sirius also had to smile a bit, but became more serious in the next moment: "And what's with you running to James?"The younger Black froze for a second and a hint of guilt appeared on his face: "I...he offered to help me the other day. That...That's all..Like..he's kind of a friend."Padfoot's eyebrows went up and Reg could see the realisation on his face. Oh dear lord, no. Please, not. Don't let him know, don't..."You know he's with Lily, right?", Sirius asked slowly, like he would talk to someone who didn't have the captivity to understand him. "I know. I have no intentions anyway. Please don't tell him..or anyone else, it's wrong and terrible and..please don't tell.""Okay, I definitely want to hex you now. Stop saying such things, honestly", the Gryffindor growled; couldn't really believe that he heard that from his brother again. The world did a good job planting homophobia in people's heads and it sucks. Not that he wasn't used to it. He got dirty looks all the time, but having his brother standing here, being homophobic and kind of outing himself at the same time, was a different kind of bad. "I...sorry, I..yeah, I better shut up now", Regulus agreed blinking fastly and pulling his cloak tighter around himself. He didn't know how he should deal with that, to be honest. Most of the time he tried to avoid thinking of it and it was stupid to have these insecurities right in front of the loudest and most openly gay person he knew. He really wished he had the same confidence. "As long as you don't make any moves on him, you'll be safe. He just came into this relationship and he's happy with her, so go and find another bloke to crush on", Padfoot pointed out shaking his head, but he couldn't really supress a little grin. In his eyes, it were completely great news..except for the part of James being his brother's interest. But he didn't think that would cause problems. James was so in love with Evans, other people didn't even exist to him in that way. "So..are we okay? You and me? On neutral grounds?", Reggie asked quietly, but hopeful and stopped right in front of the older one. It didn't go as badly as he had expected, so..maybe it really was okay? "Yeah..yeah, I guess so, for now. We can't start at zero, we both have done a lot of shitty things, but..we are okay", Padfoot confirmed with a small nod. He wouldn't admit that a huge rock fell of his chest when he said that, but it did. "Thank you, Sirius. I promise, I won't mess it up", Regulus replied very seriously. Well, he would try not to mess it up..promising was maybe a bit too much said, but now he couldn't take it back anymore. "Go to the hospital wing and do something with that awful face of yours", Sirius said half concerned, half jokingly and clapped Regulus shoulder, before heading back to the castle. The young Slytherin looked at him after he was out of sight and fell back on the log, with his head feeling light as air and let out a big, relieved sigh. He was so glad to have that out of the world and he definitely had to thank James for being behind that.