Jegulus - I'll be good

Part Twenty-Eight

Alternative title: Black brothers are so dramatic

⚠ CW: short mention of self-inflicted violence, nightmare, violence⚠

Y'all are going to hate me *nervous laughter* James and Regulus took over control, it was planned differently :'D
Also it's the last chapter I have finished, from now on updates will slow down to probably once a week or even less, as I'm going back to work tomorrow. Thank you all for your support and for your constancy so far and I promise I'll do my best not to take a break of over a year again, haha.. 

Pls don't hate me 

(ﾟωﾟ；)・‥...━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━...‥・

"Regulus Black, are we talking about you being interested in me?"
The question seemed to be hovering between them for an eternity, James seemingly as shocked to have said this as Regulus was to hear the question.
His face paled, he could feel the blood disappearing from it and coldness grabbing him. He wasn't subtle enough. Probably had been walking around James like a stupid fairy princess, no wonder that Mulciber spread the rumour of him being gay. Which, to be exactly, wasn't that much of a rumour and soon the whole school would believe it, maybe they already did and his parents would get to know it too and then he was doomed. He would get into serious trouble, maybe won't even survive the day his parents found out. He found that thought oddly comforting. If he wouldn't live much longer, there was also no use in lying.
But when he wanted to admit it, no tone left his lips and he dropped his gaze to the ground again, only nodding lightly. This was bad. Really bad. He had no intention to admit his feelings, ever, and now it still happened. What did he even think of, starting with such a question? A stupid part of him surely had hoped the Gryffindor would show him, instead of starting to ask questions and metaphorically cornering him. Part of him still had this hope, a short image of James kissing him rushing through his head, even though he told his mind it wouldn't happen, it couldn't happen.
He finally noticed that James still hadn't said anything and afraid of what he would see – disgust, for sure, anger maybe too – he lifted his head warily.
James stared at him, mouth fallen open and eyes wide. He had never seen the Gryffindor being thrown off the rails like that and it was almost funny. Regulus had the urge to laugh and shrug it off, telling him that he had been joking and of course he wasn't talking about him. But lying to him felt worse than the truth.
"I'm sorry, I..I mean I'm not sorry per se, like..James, please don't hate me", he brought out pleading, his chest tightening. He couldn't live with James hating him. It would tear him apart and he didn't care how dramatically that must sound.
James buried his face in his hand and made a noise in the back of his throat. It now was his face that was quite red and he muttered something like: "I can't believe that this is happening."
Regulus' stomach turned upside down and he balled his hands to fists, feeling anger building up inside of him, but he swallowed it.
"Okay, I see..alright then. I guess that's it. Thank you for your help and everything, I won't bother you anymore", the Slytherin blurted out rapidly, turning on his heels and walking, no, running away. He ruined everything in less than two minutes. That must be a new record.

Regulus had no intention to leave his dorm, let alone to show up in the Great Hall. Since he came back he was hiding under his blanket, still wearing his coat, replaying the moment when everything went wrong over and over again. First he had been angrily punching the wall next to his bed until his knuckles started to bleed and slowly it turned into crying quietly, but intense. His whole body hurt when he finally was too exhausted to keep on going and in hindsight it would've probably been just better to wait for what James had to say instead of running off.
But the long silence and what he had said, in his opinion was enough answer already. And he shouldn't make such a fuss of it, but right now he couldn't help himself. Everything would be fine tomorrow, but now he needed this time to suffer through it.
"Aren't you going to took off your cloak and shoes?", his roommate's voice appeared out of nowhere and the door fell shut. Emil Volant pulled away his blanket: "Don't be such a git, Black. You're ruining your sheets with all the dirt you brought with you...what happened to you? You look like you're allergic against pollen and ran through a field of flowers."
Regulus groaned and shoved his head under his pillow: "Leave me alone. I want to be alone."
Emil snorted and threw the cover back over him, before falling into his own back, closing the curtains.
Regulus sighed relieved and turned on his back, now staring at the bed above him. The picture of James staring at him wouldn't leave his mind. He couldn't even really tell what it had been. Shock, surely, spite, disgust...maybe a mix of all of these. Clearly disbelief too. He really wished he didn't bring the topic up that started it all.
"What do you want?", James' question floated around in his head.
"I'm too young and I love you too much", he whispered quietly in a late reply, before he almost had to laugh about how ridiculous that sounded. And rolled himself together to ease the pain, that came with the knowledge of how true it was. This wasn't a simple crush anymore. Regulus couldn't exactly tell when it became more serious, more significant, but it was and that was why it was so hard to breathe. It took some while, but he drifted off to restless sleep.

His dreams were bizarre and scary. He was running through a forest, bare feet and only wearing torn trousers. Every few steps he was stumbling over roots and stones. He was running away from something, but he didn't know what, but the rotten smell was back and that made just sense, didn't it? He ended up at the edge of a lake and whatever followed him, let him jump into the water. Regulus didn't have to swim, the lake had its own power...pulling him deeper and deeper into the darkness and his screams for help were inaudible.
Coughing up mouldy water he got hold of a stone and climbed on the hard floor of...the same cave with the fountain within he already had dreamed of some time ago. Cold fear grabbed his heart as he shoved himself closer to the fountain. Just as he touched the surface of the water in it, the cave started to spin around him. He pressed his hands on his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, but still felt sick fairly soon.
When he opened his eyes again, he still was in the cave, but...it seemed that he was deeper in the maze of it. Muffled screams came from the left path. Reggie's feet started to walk, while all he wanted was to run into the opposite direction, away from the screams, away from the cave.
He stopped in shock of the image in front of him – James was pressed against the cave wall, held up by invisible strings that still buried deep into his skin and left marks on his wrists and ankles. Blood was running from his cheek and he looked pale and bruised, without actual bruises on him.
The Slytherin wanted to rush forward, wanted to free him, but he crashed against an invisible wall.
"JAMES!", he screamed but his voice was swallowed by the air. His fists punched against the invisible wall, but it didn't burst.
His parents entered the scene and even though he couldn't hear them, he knew the movement of their wands well enough to recognise a Cruciatus curse when it was used. Both hit James and his bloodcurdling scream was very clearly hearable.
"NO STOP!", Regulus cried out, punching harder against the wall, tears streaming down his cheeks. The overwhelming helplessness let his ears ring.
Walburga turned around, her face pulled into a smiling grimace, giving Regulus chills.
"It's his fault, my dear. He has to pay for it. He was poisoning you with his nonsense", his mother said in a sugar sweet voice and turned back around. A green flash lightened up the cave for a moment and James' lifeless body fell to the floor.
Regulus screamed at the top of his lungs...

...and he woke up bathed in cold sweat. Just soon enough to feel the pillow being thrown against his head.
"Shut up, will you? Bloody wanker", one of the other boys grumbled, Regulus was too upset to focus on it. His body was shaking like crazy and he felt sick to his bones. Somehow he managed to get out of bed and rush to the toilet, just quick enough to not unload his stomach to the floor.
He hated it. Hated these bloody dreams and everything that had to do with it. Hated, that James was pulled into them now too. Wrapping his arms around his shivering body, he took some deep breaths, trying to steady himself. No more sleep. He couldn't do that anymore.