as unsinkable as i can be // the wilds

chapter ten.

"I'm going to swim out and try to find the plane," Rachel said suddenly as we were all gathered around the fire. Dot was doing her best to keep the flames alive, but the wind was making it so hard on her that I helped hand her sticks while she worked.

"W-what?" Nora asked quietly, looking up from where she was scribbling in her pink Dawn of Eve notebook. What a joke it was, to think that we could be getting foot massages right now, and instead we were trying to find food and figure out ways to keep from freezing to death.

The effects from the prank on Fatin had worn off, and I had mostly forgotten about her and Toni's conversation in the woods. I just wasn't sure how to feel about it, especially when Toni was so sweet to me, constantly making sure I was warm enough or that I had enough food.

"I'll go with you," Leah offered, standing and shrugging off her borrowed coat, handing it to Martha instead, who snuggled up into it. The temperature was dropping severely, but it had been starting to warm up a little bit.

"Take this," said Dot as she threw them what looked like three white lifesavers tied together. "It'll float in the water to make sure that you don't lose too much energy and drown."

Rachel just nodded, pulling the lifesavers into her arms and immediately turning to start towards the ocean. Leah followed closely behind, but I could see Nora's hesitation to follow for a split second. Seconds later, she ran ahead to catch up with them, but I still could see the separation between her and her twin. I couldn't help but wonder what all happened at home.

"Hey Rae, wanna go wash off on the other side of the bend?" Toni asked quietly in my ear, her knee pressing up against mine. My breath caught in my throat, and I couldn't get a word out, so I just nodded.

"You're sure Rachel, Nora, and Leah won't be able to see us?" I asked as we began to walk away from camp.

"Hey, where are y'all going?" Shelby called out to us.

"Nah, they're too far away. We'll be blocked. We're going to go look for some berries or something!" Toni called back, not even bothering to look back.

Toni's fingers brushed up against mine, and once again, I felt that rush of blood to my cheeks, my mind becoming aware of every single part of my body. The fingertips, the crook of my elbow, where my shoulder meets my chest. My senses heightened when she was around.

"You ever dated anyone?" she asked casually, pulling off her shoes as we found a good spot that was hidden from others. The dirt and grime had built up on both of our skin, and we hadn't gotten a chance to wash it all off yet.

"Uh, I had a boyfriend in like eighth grade, but that lasted a total of three weeks before he decided that he didn't like the way I smelled. Too 'flowery,' according to him."

Toni scoffed, looking up at me as she pulled down her shorts. I was a bit more hesitant than her to just start getting naked, so instead, I just focused on my shoes and shirt instead.

"Why is that such a man thing to do?" she asked jokingly, I laughed, looking at her as she undressed out of the corner of my eye. My heart was beating rapidly as she began to take off her shirt, and I noticed her eyes flick over at me.

"Here, let me help," she mumbled, and before I knew what was going on, she was pulling my shirt over my head for me, our noses almost touching during the process. She threw it onto the rock beside hers, right along with her pants.

Suddenly, I was taking off my own shorts, leaving me in underwear and a bra. I felt so naked, and the little muffin top I had spilled over the seam of my underwear. Toni was all muscle, and I could see the slim, pinched waist she had compared to her busty chest. I was flat all around, and I crossed my arms over my chest to cover that.

I hadn't been prepared for that at all, and when Toni strung her hand through my hair and began to pull me close, I panicked.

"Toni, I'm not-"

"Just shut up," and she kissed me. It began hard, very powerful, and I felt myself string my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me. But as it continued, it grew softer, quieter, and began to make me dizzy. I smiled against her lips, and I could feel her grin back.

But then, everything came crashing down.

"Rae?" I hadn't noticed the shaking. "Rae, are you- did I do something wrong?" Toni pulled back, pulling my hair up from against my neck and leading me to the water.

Eventually, I began to sob. "I'm not- I can't- I'm not-" I couldn't even get it out, couldn't even say the words, couldn't even look her in the eyes. I pressed my shaking hands against my forehead, closing my eyes, trying to tell myself that something that felt so right was wrong, wrong, wrong.

"Rae..." she ran and grabbed her shirt, soaking it in water and pressing it against my forehead, and then leaving it around the back of my neck. We sunk down, waist-deep in the water.

"Toni, I-I'm sorry-"

"Rae, I don't know where you came from or what it was like back home. But... but you're free here. Your life is a million miles away, and you... you don't have to think about whoever at home told you this-" she kissed my forehead. "-was wrong. Okay?"

I nodded, wiping the tears from my cheeks, and leaning up against Toni, who was at least four inches taller than I was. It took me a second, but I regained my composure, and we both began to wash ourselves off. Toni took her sports bra off eventually, and I tried everything I could to avert my eyes for her privacy, but I never took mine off. I stayed covered for as long as possible, and by the time we were both clean, she strung her hand through mine and led me back to the rock where our clothes were.

"I'm sorry," she whispered in my hair, kissing the top of my head. I immediately shook my head.

"It's not your fault," I corrected her. "But now... I'm ready. I can do this."

"You sure?"

I breathed deeply and kissed her long and hard.

"I'm sure." 

---

2K Y'ALL!! 

2K!! You don't understand how much this means to me!! Thank you thank you thank you!!

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, because I had so much fun writing it, and I can't wait to see where it goes!

Hope this is the Rae and Toni fluff you were looking for, @that_girl2002 !

xoxo,

Em :)