The secrets of summer

Chapter 18

"I want you to stay with me tonight," I tell Colton as I watch his expression change.

I'm unsure what it reads now so I continue "I just can't be alone."

He lets out a breath and says "I understand its fine, I'll stay here with you."

I smile at him but it doesn't show as happy as I feel. He kisses me lightly and hugs me against his chest. I still haven't gotten used to his smell.
...
"Goodnight Sasha." He grins at me a cocky and attractive look on him.

"Night Colton."

My mind is running from what just happened. I never thought it would be anyone else other than Austin that took my virginity away. I can't believe how it felt either. Colton makes me feel so confident and that experience I just feel low about myself. Did he think I was sloppy? Is he a virgin? Panic courses through my body at the thought of him having experience.

I don't know how to ask without sounding completely stupid. "Ummm Colton," He groans and turns over to face me. "Are, are you a virgin?"

He laughs and replies "Not anymore."

Relief washes over me and I tell him "Me neither." I smile back at him. "Did you enjoy it?" I pry at him hoping he will tell me just what I want to hear.

"Of course I did, if I didn't would I kiss you like this?" he pulls me in and playfully kisses my neck causing me to laugh until my stomach hurts.

Colton and I are up until 4:30 talking about what we want to do in the future. Anything involving kids, jobs and sex. We get along so well that I feel like I can be myself around him.

"I love you." The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them and I don't try to deny them.

Colton sits up and looks at me like I said something threatening to him. He looks more afraid than when Austin came here and hit him.

"No you don't it's just lust that you feel for me."

I don't know what to say, I didn't mean to say that. It was just a natural instinct. I want to have the securities that I felt with Austin.

As if he can read my mind he tells me "No, I can't love you the way you need to be. I can't be seen with you."

I can feel the tears brewing behind my eyes. Did he actually just say he can't be seen with me? "What does that mean?" I question him.

He looks at me like he's explaining something so simple to a five year old who is unable to understand. "I mean that I have a reputation to keep. My friends think you're a slut. It wouldn't be right for us to have a relationship." I turn away from him and burry myself under the blankets and let the tears fall. "Sasha, you have to understand."

He begins but I cut him off and lift the sheets off of my head. "No you have to understand. I left my boyfriend for you. Because I want you, if that's not enough get out and don't come back!" I scream at him.

He pulls me in and wraps his arms around me. I want him to leave I want to let the universe laugh at me while I lost my one last piece of hope. "Does this feel like I don't want to be with you?" he mumbles into my ear.