The Dark of You (GxG)

14. Don't go

The cold and the emptiness next to me in bed have always seemed to be a problem. It's a reminder of how lonely life can be. I turned to my left, hoping to see a new but familiar face placed in the chair of the corner of the room.  It's too early for her to be here, anyway. It's like three o'clock in the morning. Sleep can't come easy at times. 

I let out a breath as I stared up at the ceiling, wondering how my life would have been if everything was different. I would have had my mother telling me that everything would be alright, that life would be switched around for the better. Perhaps I got a hug or two and went spent time together. 

With a kick, I made the duvet fall of me, trying with all my might not to think about anything else besides my mom. It's too painful. Placing new clothes on and pulling on my shoes, I found my way out of the hotel room. 

Right across the hall is Rylan's room. I wonder if she is sleeping or awake at this time. With the dark spots underneath her eyes all the time, I'm not sure. I went over to her door and raised my hand but stopped mid-air. What am I doing? I shook my head myself as I went backward on the way to step down the hall. 

"Hadley?" I broke in my tracks and saw Rylan behind me as she had opened her door. 

"What are you doing up so late?" She asked. 

"I can't seem to sleep," I shrugged and found my way over to her, crossing my arms around my belly. 

"Why not?" Rylan leaned onto the door frame with her arms folded over her chest. 

"I don't know," I shrugged again, which was a lie. Thoughts and loneliness are what keep me awake at night. Filling up the void with strangers has been the answer for it. Not the best thing, but it's the only solution I have found that works for me. 

"Why are you not sleeping?" I asked in return, but she bit her lip as she gazed onto the floor. 

"What do you usually do that makes you sleep?" She wondered, clearly avoiding my question.

"Sleeping with random people," I chuckled, which made her smile as she rolled her eyes.

"Why?" Rylan leaned forward in curiosity, and my eyes widened with that as I didn't expect such a thing to be asked. 

"I-I think it's because it helps me keep my mind off things," I said unsurely, and then Rylan looked up and down the hall before she indicated for us to get into my room. I sat down on the bed as she pushed forward one of the chairs closer to the end of the bed. 

"What is it that you think about?" She asked, resting her elbow on the chair's hand to keep her head up in the palm of her hand. 

"Everything," I shrugged, not really feeling like talking about my problems with my security guard. 

"What keeps you up at night, soldier?" I asked, trying to trail myself off, and she started to grin. 

"We are not talking about me," She responded. 

"And why is that?" I wondered. 

"Because there is nothing to talk about," She said, slightly firmer this time.

"Then why do I get the feeling that is not the truth, soldier?" I said, and she bit her lip as she took a deep breath. 

"You are not like the others," My words caught her attention, her blue eyes watching me in confusion. 

"You are quiet, and the thing is, you say that you don't care, but you actually do care," I told her, and she tilted her head. 

"I do not care," She said and clenched her jaw. 

"Really?" I sat up with my legs underneath myself in the bed. 

"Then why did you take me on a trip to London? Why did you help me on the plane, and right now, you are here talking to me because I can't sleep," I explained, and she narrowed her eyes. 

"Why do you keep trying to get rid of me but draw me?" She asked, taking me off guard as my mouth opened. I didn't expect a backfire. I looked down at the sheet and tried to find the right words. There is a lot of unanswered questions hanging in the air between us. 

"I don't know," I answered, and she nodded before I fell back into bed with my arm behind my head. 

"Try and get some sleep, Hadley, and I'll see you in the morning," She was about to get out of the chair.

"Don't go," I said without thinking, and with confusion, she sat back down. I didn't say anything, and neither did she. I could only stare at how her blond hair is tightly folded up in a ponytail. It always is like that I've noticed. Her hair is never loose and to be honest; I like it that way as it's the only personal knowledge she can offer me. The one portrait that isn't hidden away. It's all bare, unprotected as her eyes, mouth, and cheeks will show a clue, a gesture that cannot hide her.  It can be a flinch, a squint, a tenderness of pity or perhaps understanding. There is so much and yet, so little is shown. 

I try to keep my eyes open to look at her with all my might, but I lose the battle in the end.