The Dark of You (GxG)

48. I can't do anything right

The entire night I laid and twisted around in bed. There was no comfortable position to find and no peace to settle over my anxious mind. The constant worry kept playing on repeat, along with the hope that she would eventually come back to me. However, she hasn't. It's close to midday and I have already had four cups of coffee. I do not think it was a good idea as all the caffeine has made me wander around my apartment more concerned than last time. I'm just so tired as I lack sleep and my head won't let me relax. I've caught myself so many times reaching for the door. Each time I had to take a deep breath and come back to my senses. 

I laid my fourth cup of coffee on the counter and stood in silence. I would never have thought that quietness could be so loud sometimes. Finally, giving in to the torment, I crossed the living room and the hallway. I stopped my hand midway as I was about to knock but then did it anyway. Taking a nervous breath, I balanced up and down on my toes, which I now just realized I do not have socks on. I frowned down at my cold feet, but then the door opened in a rush. I was about to smile as it was the wrong face in the doorway. 

"What?" Mario asked with his mouth filled with toothpaste and toothbrush in hand. I furrowed my eyebrows as I watched him for a long time. 

"W-where's Rylan?" I asked, uneasy and bit my inner cheek in impatience. Now Mario looked at me strangely. But then he held up his finger before we went back into the apartment. I followed him and rolled my eyes as he spits the toothpaste into the sink. 

"What do you mean where is Rylan?" He asked unsurely as he leaned both of his palms on the kitchen island. 

"Rylan, my security guard," I said and rubbed my forehead where the headache had now built itself up. 

"She didn't tell you?"Mario sounded surprised and I crossed my arms over my chest as it's become uncomfortable. 

"She quit. She left this morning," His words made my arms slip back down to my side.

"W-what?" I don't think I heard that correctly. 

"She quiet, Hadley," He leaned forward and watched me closely. I swallowed the lump in the back of my throat. 

"By the look of dread on your face, I guess you didn't know or wanted that," I looked up at him quickly and laid my hand over my mouth as tears came out of nowhere. 

"W-where did she go?" I asked, but Mario shrugged before he stepped over to me. 

"Don't," I refused him to touch me as he reached out his hand for me. I don't want comfort. I don't want anything but answers.

"What did she say before she left?" I dried the wetness of my face. Mario folded his arms over his chest and shrugged. 

"Not much," He sighed and watched me closely. "Only that she wasn't able to do the work anymore,"  I clenched my jaw tightly.

"Nothing else?" I asked and he shook his head helplessly. She left without one word to me. No warning and I have no idea where she went. 

"Hadley," Mario called out my name as I found my way back to my apartment. I shut the door closed and slid against the door until I sat down. Tears, endless tears ran down my face as I struggled to catch my breath. I can't believe she left, that she's gone. The one thing, the only thing that has made me feel something so good in a long time and it slipped through my hands quicker than the blink of an eye. 

I picked my phone out of my pocket and dialed Rylan's number, which was a long shot as it only went to voicemail. Of course, she won't answer. She didn't even say one word to me before she left. I don't even know if she is alright. I reached out for a long, painful breath as the thought of her doing something troubling came to mind. What if I never get to see her again? I laid myself down, the floor cold against my cheek as I let myself be swallowed by my own misery. 

"Hadley," There was a knock on the door. "Are you okay?" Mario asked, but I refused to answer, or maybe I'm too numb to reply. I don't want comfort. I just want to lay here for a little while and feel nothing but the deep void where my heart should have been. I should have known better. Everything I touch, everything good in my life vanishes. My mother's gone, my father abandoned me and now Rylan. The purest thing I could ever have had and now I don't even know if I'll see her again. Perhaps I deserve it all, the pain and loneliness. Maybe I'm supposed to be unhappy because there truly is no comfort in the misery.  

"I'll be across if you need anything," Mario spoke and I listened to his footsteps fade away. I closed my eyes and every drop of tears went down my face and dripped onto the floor. Rylan's blue eyes shimmer in the sunlight and how she smiles when she looks at me. Please don't let it be the last time. I've never needed anyone as much before and I'm not sure if I love it or hate it now. This is the reason I do not get attached to people because it hurts so much when they leave. I'm an idiot; I should have seen this coming. Rylan was my security guard, after all. I was her job, her responsibility to keep safe. Then I pulled her towards me even though she told me she couldn't. The warning signs were everywhere and I chose to ignore them. I wanted her so much and I had her, but it all went away. Of course, it did. It's me, after all. I guess everyone was right in the end. I can't do anything right.