The Dark of You (GxG)

16. I do know how it feels like

Rylan sat down next to me as I glanced out the side window of the taxi. Berlin it's a beautiful city by night, I must say. Light brights up every corner, people laugh as they walk down the streets together. It makes me wonder what their plans are for the evening. Perhaps, going to a bar for a few drinks or a nice restaurant.

I sighed as the cab started to find its way to our hotel. I  could only wish to go out with my friends like that. Yet I have just Jude as the closest thing to a friend, which isn't really the same anyway.

No matter where I go, a shadow would follow me everywhere. The friends I had, left because my guard would always be a reminder for them that their lives could as well be in danger. Jude never did, though. She was fine with it, but we don't see each other that often. Like everyone else, she has her work and life to live, while I'm stuck with nothing besides my own company. Well, I do have Rylan, but she isn't much of a company now, is she? 

"The plane will leave for Paris at 13:00 tomorrow, and,"

"Don't," I rudely interrupted her. I don't want to hear about it right now. Silence seems to be my biggest comfort and the only one I have. 

"And we will land at 14:50," I turned to her in rage.

"Can't you just please for once talk about something else besides then to remind me of how much I hate my life?" I asked loudly, but she didn't react to my outrage in any sense. I closed my eyes as I took a deep breath and stared back out the window.

"I like your drawings," I furrowed my eyebrows at her comment and turned to her. 

"What?" I said, stunned, and she smiled as she looked down for a second before looking me in the eyes. 

"You should draw more often," I tilted my head to her words.

"I can't seem to find the interest anymore," I shrugged. 

"And why is that?" She asked in all seriousness. 

"I like drawing people, and as a person who is constantly being prevented to met people, it becomes hard," I explained, and she nodded. 

"Why don't you try something else, like cities, buildings, or landscapes?" She asked, and I chuckled at her. 

"I prefer people. There is just something about them that takes my interest," I grinned, and she raised an eyebrow. 

"And what interest is that?" She questioned this time, and heat raised in my cheeks as I remember that I draw Rylan, and she obviously knows that I did. 

"I don't know," I shrugged, 

"What about you, soldier? What kind of interest do you have besides the military?" I wondered, hoping that would trail us off the conversation.

"I don't have any interests," She responded. 

"Of course not," I laughed quickly and bit my lower lip.

"I don't know anything about you, Rylan, and it's frustrating," I sighed.

"Hadley," She shifted in her seat to face me completely. 

"I'm not here for you to get to know me or to be your friend," I raised my eyebrows. 

"Excuse me?" I shouted in disbelieve, and she closed her eyes as she let out a sigh. 

"I'm your security guard. My job is to keep you safe that is all there is," She explained to me as if I didn't already know that. I clenched my teeth as I breathed through my nose. 

"You know what, Rylan. The only reason why I'm talking to you is because you are the only person around me!" I shouted, and she pressed her lips together. 

"Do you have any idea how lonely it is? People leave me because of fear for their own lives. I can't have a relationship, so I end up finding the comfort of strangers in my bed. It's sad and pathetic, I know. However, it's the one thing I can have and is in control of," I said harshly as if I was putting all of my blame onto her. Yet I know it's my father that is the real issue. 

"I'm sorry," I told her and let out a breath of regret. 

"No, you have nothing to apologize for," Rylan said quietly and sat back straight into her seat. She narrowed her eyes as she gazed at the seat of the driver in front of herself. After a moment lost in her thoughts, she turned back to me.

"I do know how it feels like," She smiled sadly and looked out the window. Her blue eyes are clearly showing a sort of pain. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, and she shook her head, which I expected anyway. 

"I presume we might have something in common then," I sighed as I look onto the busy street of Berlin.