The Dark of You (GxG)

30. That feeling is mutual

I opened my heavy eyelids but narrowed my eyes as there was a light on in the bedroom. Turning around to turn off the bedside lamp, I found Rylan seated in an uncomfortable chair next to the bed asleep. I don't understand her sometimes. She pushes me away, but only to pull me back with a small thug on the leash. A glass of water on the bedside table took my attention and I downed it in a minute. 

Unfortunately, I remember what happened at my aunt's party. I don't understand where that strong exterior of mine went, as I could always hide my emotions behind a thick wall. Somehow Rylan has broken it apart and I don't recognize myself without it. 

Tirelessly I reached out of bed and took Rylan's hand into mine and she startled awake.

"It's just me," I said quietly and bounced out of bed to bend down in front of her as she couldn't calm down. Eventually, her eyes landed on me and she watched me with tired eyes as her breathing relaxed. 

"I didn't mean to scare you like that, but you can't sleep on that chair," I told her as a yawn escaped out of her. 

"Come here," I stood up and tried to pull her up from the chair, but she didn't budge. 

"That's not a good idea," She mumbled.

"It's just sleep, soldier. I'm not going to do anything stupid," At least I hope I won't. I tend to give in to my feelings whenever I'm around her. 

"I'm not talking about you, Hadley," She raised herself from her seat and I licked my bottom lip as she stood so close to me that I could feel her body heat through the fabric of my t-shirt. I gazed up into her eyes as I understood what she meant.

"Besides, I have my own bed to sleep in," She said and I sighed as disappointment washed over me. She is right in so many ways, though, but I want her presence. 

"We can't do this, Hadley, the back and forth," I gritted my teeth at her words. 

"You are the one who goes back and forth all the time," I whispered harshly to avoid raising my voice to wake up my grandmother on the top floor.  

"You push me away and then pull me back in," I argued, but she seemed clueless as she narrowed her eyes. The look in her eyes made me question everything she has done. Maybe she isn't aware that what she does is what draws me to her. Perhaps those little things she does are such a natural act of her to do that she doesn't know what kind of effect they have on me.

"You don't know what you do to me, do you?" I asked and rubbed my forehead in disbelief. Rylan pressed her lips together as she looked straight forward over my head as though she was searching for the right words. 

"I think," She breathed out and looked back down at me.

"That feeling is mutual," Rylan said so softly that it felt as if she ignited that spark in my heart on fire as if that was the missing piece I needed to be sure as to how her feelings stand. With the strength I have left, I have to force myself not to act on my desire to kiss her.  

"Goodnight, Hadley," She whispered with a smile before she went for the door.

"Goodnight," 

***

"Hadley was such a happy child," I froze in my place as I heard my name being mentioned in the kitchen. 

"When her mother, Lillian, was alive, Hadley was so different," My grandmother said as I heard her place a plate onto the table. 

"She would run all over the place with a massive smile on her face and just like her mother; she loved to draw and paint. They might not look that much alike, but personality-wise, they are," I almost wanted to smile at those words. 

"Lillian had a temper," My grandmother laughed. 

"She was the only one who would place Hadley's father in place. Oh, that man was wiped around her little finger," I leaned in closer to the opening of the door to hear better. 

"Jorge was a stubborn man, but the way he bent whenever she came into the room was incredible to watch. Then she died and he collapsed to the point he couldn't even face his own daughter; at least that is what I believe is the reason for him to push her away," I bit my inner cheeks. 

 "I think he is terrified of losing his daughter the same way he lost Lillian," 

"Doesn't mean it's okay to trap her the way he does," Rylan said and her backing me up made me smile. 

"Of course not. That child had to go through her grief alone because he refused to let her go anywhere," My grandmother spat out in a fury. 

"I didn't have the opportunity to go see her because of an operation on my leg. It took me months and I couldn't even make it to my daughter's funeral," My grandmother sighed loudly as if she tried to hide her pain. 

"Her aunt went, but she had her own grief to face. We weren't there for Hadley when she needed us the most," She cried and I had to suppress my own sobs as I laid my hand over my mouth. The remainder of the pain I went through as a child came flashing by. 

"Hadley was all one her own and she has been ever since. No one stuck around for her, not a friend, a girlfriend, not even her bodyguards could, but she drow them away on purpose, of course," 

"I can understand that," Rylan said and I narrowed my eyes, wondering why she would say that as she is my guard. 

"Every time I see my granddaughter, it's like life has left her piece by piece each time. Do you have any idea how it feels like to watch someone drown, but you don't have the ability to pull them out?" She asked. 

"Sort of," Rylan replied quietly.  

"It's different with you, though," My grandmother said.

"I'm sorry?" Rylan responded and I'm glad she did because I'm curious about where my grandmother is going with this. 

"She hasn't managed to drive you away yet," Grandmom chuckled and I rolled my eyes, but there was a moment of silence between the both of them.

"She has tried multiple times. I can tell that she is frustrated and angry, but underneath all of that, she is lonely," My mouth slipped open as she said that.

"She just doesn't want to show it and I don't blame her for that, because like you said, if she had to go through her pain all alone as a child where she had to suppress it, how can she be able to open up now?" I sank against the wall as my knees wanted to give in underneath me. A tear slid down my cheek as someone had finally put my complicated feelings into words. 

"Hadley lays so much energy into keeping her walls so high up to appear so strong and it's all for show. Because honestly, she is frail and that vulnerability she has is beautiful and it's nothing to be ashamed of,"  Tears exploded down my cheeks and I had to cover my mouth with my hand so sounds wouldn't come out. 

"You are very observant, aren't you?" Grandmother asked. 

"It's my job to be aware of everything," Rylan answered. 

"Perhaps, but not your subject's feelings," My grandmother cornered her, but Rylan was silent. 

"Maybe that is why you are still here, Rylan,"