"I want to give you all the love you deserve."
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Hadley Carter has struggled with her sexuality ever since childhood. She keeps her feelings hidden out of fear of judgement and not being accepted by oth...
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I wake with a start and jolt up in bed, gasping and dripping sweat. I feel as if I can't breathe or move and I am completely unaware of my surroundings. A shrill cry escapes my lips in a moment of terror, the scream further heightening my nerves.
Seconds later, my bedroom door bursts open. I don't turn to see who has entered the room, as I am too concerned with trying to get air into my lungs and trying to stop the tears streaming down my cheeks.
"Hadley?" The voice belongs to my father. He says my name as frantically as I'm feeling. "Hadley, sweetie, what is it? What happened?"
I shake my head to gesture that I am incapable of speaking. I exhale a sob that racks my body. My father sits next to me in bed, prying my hands from my face before pulling me into his chest and holding me close. His warmth seeps into my skin, leaving me to realize that I hadn't noticed how cold I was until his arms are around me, offering protection and comfort. Slowly, I calm down as my father smooths down my hair.
"There were pills," I stammer. I sound like a lunatic, unable to control my tongue. "The woman gave me pills. She said they would help. But they—"
"It was just a dream," Dad interrupts. He sounds choked up. "It was a dream, Hadley. You're safe. You're okay."
As my mind clears, I begin to understand why my father holds me so close and why he sounds so shaken. Because we both know it wasn't just a dream. It was real. It happened. I lived through it.
I cry harder as memories play throughout my mind. I tremor as the summer returns to me, all that I have tried so hard to block from my recollection haunting me in the darkness. Dad tries to console me to no avail. He let it all happen. He agreed to send me away. He did this to me.
He broke me.
"I'm sorry," Dad murmurs. I can tell that he is crying because it seems hard for him to speak. "I'm so sorry, Hadley. I'm so sorry."
I wish his apology could take all of the pain away. I wish his words could heal the ache inside of me and fix what broke within me over the summer. Instead, all his words do is remind me that all of it was real.
It wasn't a dream.
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a/n: i miss my family but like . . . i do not want to go home? bc ik i'll miss my girlfriend. ugh. emotions.
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