"I want to give you all the love you deserve."
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Hadley Carter has struggled with her sexuality ever since childhood. She keeps her feelings hidden out of fear of judgement and not being accepted by oth...
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"How was school, sweetie?" Mom asks as I enter the kitchen upon arriving home, setting my bookbag down at the table.
"Fine," I mumble in response. I'm unable to meet her gaze as I speak. I guess part of me hasn't quite yet forgiven her for what happened over the summer. If I'm being honest, I'd have to admit that I don't think part of me will ever forgive her.
Mom, oblivious to my thoughts, merely tosses a smile in my direction before returning to the stove, focused on making dinner. "First day of junior year! That's a big deal."
"I guess," I mutter. I reach into the fridge for a water bottle, more than ready to escape this conversation and hide out in the safety of my room.
"Reagan is over at Maddie's house," Mom informs me. Reagan is my younger sister, and Maddie is her friend who lives down the street.
"Okay." I'm unsure of what else to say, so I turn to exit the room, heading for the stairs.
"Hadley!" Mom calls to my back, halting my steps and forcing me to turn back around. Glancing at her, I can't deny how similar we look. I got Mom's straight blond hair and blue eyes. Everyone who knows her says I'm a carbon copy of her; that I should be thankful to have inherited her beauty. Little do they know, our features are all my mother and I have in common.
I don't respond to her call, waiting for her to continue. She steps slightly away from the stove, though doesn't move closer to me. There's a rift between us now—there has been ever since what happened over the summer. I know she feels it too. I don't think it will ever go away.
"You don't have to hide from me, Hadley," Mom says. She tries to keep her tone gentle, expression kind, but I can see through her. The truth is that Mom doesn't want me to be able to hide things from her anymore. She wants me under her careful gaze, where she can keep eyes on me at all times.
"You can talk to me," she goes on. "You're better now. You got the help you needed. You're better now."
I bristle at her words; cringe at her tone. A rage I've never quite felt before rises in my chest, threatening to take control of my mind and tongue. I want to snap at her, to tell her that there was nothing wrong with me in the first place. I want to tell her that I'm not better, that—if anything—I'm worse. I want her to feel an ounce of the pain she caused me over the summer; I want her to know about all of the tears I shed and the ache I still feel within. She sent me away because she thought I needed fixing. I returned broken.
"Right," I agree. I force a smile, though my teeth are gritted. "I'm better now."
I turn on my heel and trudge up the stairs, the sound of my footsteps against the hardwood drowning out the sound of my mom calling me to come back. I lock myself in my room and fall onto my bed, finding comfort in the silence and emptiness surrounding me.
It's only when I'm alone I allow the tears to fall.
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a/n: i have to leave my girl tmrw. :/ long distance sucks ass.
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