Hidden Within

5 | after everything

"Turning in already?"

I look over at my bedroom door that leaks light into the darkness of my room to find my father standing in the doorway, awaiting my response.

"Yeah," I say, as if the fact that the lights are off and I'm laying in bed hadn't given the answer away.

I expect Dad to tell me goodnight, close the door, and walk off. He surprises me by stepping into the room, leaving the door cracked behind him. Curiously, I sit up in bed and turn on the lamp set on my bedside table, wondering what he wants. We haven't spoken much since I left over the summer, though the unsaid words spread out between us seem to have done a lot of talking for us.

Dad takes a seat on the edge of my bed, studying me in silence for a moment. I observe him in return, taking in his features. His dark hair has sprouted some gray streaks. Wrinkles have formed around the corners of his blue eyes. Age is wearing thin on his skin, yet he still appears lively; if not somewhat subdued in the moment.

"How was your first day back at school?" Dad asks finally, eyes on mine. I find it odd that he waits until nightfall to ask me this, though I don't voice my thoughts.

"It was fine," I lie. In all honesty, it'd been another uneventful day of school. Although, being around Delaney had been painful after what happened this summer. After what she saw. After what she did. After she got me sent away. I'm expected to pretend like I'm okay; like I'm fine after . . . everything.

Dad nods, silence spanning out between the two of us. He clears his throat before asking, "How are you, Hads?"

I open my mouth to respond, but I am quickly cut off by my father adding, "How are you really?"

I hesitate for a moment. Not once since I've been home have either of my parents mentioned the summer, instead choosing to act as if everything is normal. As if they didn't send me away. As if what happened before I left didn't happen at all.

"I—" I try to answer his question, yet I haven't come up with an answer. My voice comes out strained and garbled. Suddenly, my eyes begin to well with hot tears, burning and blurring my vision. My throat constricts, making it hard for me to breathe, much less speak.

"I don't know," I admit in a whisper.

Dad doesn't say anything, yet his eyes shine with understanding. I think back to the night my life felt like it was ending, recalling Mom's screaming and her accusations, the anger that had bounced off of her in waves and hit me square in the chest. Dad hadn't said much that night, though he'd watched as Mom and I argued back and forth. He'd seemed dazed then, unsure of what to say or do. Unsure of how to feel.

"I just wanted to check on you," he says after another long bout of silence, patting my leg as if he's going to leave. Yet he lingers for a moment, and I'm clueless as to what is keeping him here.

"And to tell you that I love you, Hads," he murmurs. His voice is strained. "That I have always loved you." He offers me a pointed look, as if I need him to clarify the hidden meaning behind his statement.

A fresh round of tears well in my eyes, brought on by his words. Emotion flows through me and fills me to the brim. It's the most either of my parents have acknowledged what happened; it's the only time either of them acknowledged what happened since I returned home.

Dad doesn't wait for me to respond. Instead, he gives my leg a comforting squeeze before rising from my bed and exiting the room, closing my bedroom door behind him as if he'd never been here at all.

I allow a single tear to fall down my cheek once he's gone before quickly wiping it away and turning off my lamp, returning my head to my pillow and pulling the comforter around me up to my chin, waiting for sleep to take over and carry away all that I'm left feeling.

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a/n: idk why but i have been feeling so sad lately and updating here on wattpad always makes me feel better. i'm so thankful to have amazing readers that give me the opportunity to do what i love. 🥰