Along the Shore (Samal Island Series #1: COMPLETED)

CHAPTER 23: Patimpalak

Patimpalak

Hindi ako makagalaw nang tuluyan nang lumabas ng opisina si Rad. Gusto ko siyang sundan at magpaliwanag ngunit anong sasabihin ko? Anong karapatan ko?

Ipinaupo ako ni Arellano sa sofa at hinarap ako ng may ngiti sa labi pero ramdam ko ang lungkot sa kanyang mga mata.

"Chase him." He smiled but the sadness in his eyes was very evident.

"Chase him before you regret not doing so." Pagpapatuloy niya nang may luhang biglang lumandas sa kanyang mga mata.

"Paano ka?" Nasasaktang sabi ko para sa kanya.

"As long as it makes you happy, I'm fine. Okay lang ako. Go on, Mariana. Chase him." Nakangiting sabi niya nang may lungkot sa mga mata.

I love Rad, I really do. Alam 'yan ng mga taong nakapaligid sa akin at ng mga taong kilala ako.

Even Arellano, he knew that it was Rad all along.

In between those three years, Arellano was there. He lifted me up when I am feeling down. He cheered me up when I felt so low. He was there for me and it hurts me knowing that he was in pain because of me.

Alam kong may kasalanan ako nang pumayag akong ligawan niya ako kahit alam ko sa sarili ko na si Rad pa rin.

Kahit alam kong patay na si Rad noon, alam ko pa rin sa sarili ko na siya lang talaga at wala ng iba.

It was my entire fault and I blamed myself for that. I pity myself because Rad didn't remember me but seeing Arellano right now, I pity him more.

"I know that look, Mariana. Don't pity on me. Mahal kita at handa akong palayain ka." Pinahiran niya ang mga luha sa kanyang pisngi.

"But—" He cut me off.

Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit at hinalikan ang aking noo.

"Sige na. Puntahan mo na at baka tuluyan pa kitang hindi pakawalan."

Iginiya niya ako patayo at niyakap ng mahigpit sa huling pagkakataon. Kumalas siya sa yakap and we were inches away from each other. Akala ko hahalikan niya ako.

But for the last time...

"I love you." Seryosong sabi niya at hinalikan ako ng marahan sa noo.

Dahan dahan akong lumabas ng opisina at tiningnan siya bago tuluyang lumabas.

I smiled genuinely at him.

"Thank you." I mouthed.

He just nodded and I stormed out.

Nagmamadali akong sumakay ng elevator pababa ng basement parking. Bumukas ang pinto at bumungad sa akin ang isang babaeng umiiyak.

Amanda was crying in front of Rad.

Hindi nila ako nakita at napahinto ako sa kinatatayuan ko. Medyo madilim sa basement pero naaaninag ko pa rin silang dalawa.

They were talking but Amanda was crying. Seryoso ang mukha ni Rad habang nagsasalita si Amanda.

"I'm so sorry, Vince." Naiiyak na sambit ni Amanda bago tuluyang sumakay sa kanyang sasakyan at umalis.

"Fuck!" Sigaw ni Rad na siyang ikinabigla ko.

Pupunta na sana siya sa kanyang sasakyan nang mahagip ako ng paningin niya.

Anger was very evident on him but when he saw me, it fades away instantly.

I stiffened.

Nakayuko lang ako at hindi makagalaw. Hindi kayang tingnan siya sa kanyang mga mata.

Nararamdaman kong papalapit siya sa kinaroroonan ko kaya iniangat ko ang paningin ko sa kanya.

We stared at each other for a while before he came near me. His gaze was the same gaze he used to give me three years ago.

Sadness and longing was surfacing on him. Ngumiti siya ng mapait at lumapit sa harapan ko. He lifted my chin up and stared in my eyes seriously.

"I'm sorry." Malumanay na sambit niya at pinipigilan ang mga nagbabadyang luha sa kanyang mga mata.

"For what?" Nakakunot-noong tanong ko.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dahilan ng kanyang sorry. Sorry for what?

Ako dapat ang hihingi ng kapatawaran sa kanya 'diba? Even though there is no more reason to explain him everything, I think there is still a need for me to say sorry.

To say sorry for being selfish of him, na kahit alam kong hindi na ako, I still tried to tell him that we were once a thing but in the end it caused him harm.

Hindi pa naman niya ako tuluyang naaalala pero nang dahil sa nangyari sa kanya kanina, it made me think that it's time for me to let him go.

I am chasing him right now not because I want us to get back together and continue the love that we've lost, but rather I chased him because I want to let him go, finally.

Kahit masakit man sa parte ko, at least I could have done something good for him, for the better and for his own good.

If eventually, through the days he will finally remember me... kung darating man ang araw na 'yon, baka tuluyan na akong nakalimot sa pagmamahalan naming dalawa.

I know it will pain me to depths but I will gladly sacrifice my love and my happiness for Rad.

And maybe eventually, I'll move on.

Alam kong mahirap at hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko ba na makita siyang masaya sa piling ng iba pero para sa kapakanan niya, kakayanin ko.

Tutuusin ko ang lahat ng sakit na maaaring maidudulot nito sa akin.

Nakangiti siyang humarap sa akin habang nakahawak sa magkabilang pisngi ko.

His eyes glistened like as if I am the most beautiful jewel he had ever touched.

"I am so sorry." Panimula niya.

Gusto kong mag salita at sabihin sa kanya na hindi na niya kailangan pang humingi ng tawad dahil wala naman siyang kasalanan.

I wanted to say to him that I am the one at fault here and... I am letting him go, but I felt numb to the point that I can't speak and I can't even utter a single word.

"I'm so sorry for not remembering you, Mariana. Maybe not remembering you then was the only way to protect you." Pain was very evident on him.

Hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa sinabi niya pero napaluha ako ng marami. Tears streamed down my face like a river.

"I remember you now. I remember everything." His voice cracked and it made my heart break into pieces.

Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit.

Sa lahat ng mga naiisip at napagdesisyonan ko kanina, it fades away in just a snap.

This time, I will no longer stop myself for being selfish. Kahit ngayon lang, kahit ito na lang... ibigay niyo na sa 'kin.

"I am so sorry for not being by your side through those years." He cupped my face and kissed me longingly.

Ramdam ko sa mga halik niya ang sakit at kasiyahan. Ramdam ko ang lahat ng gusto niyang iparating sa halik na 'yon. And I felt everything.

It was just a kiss but it feels like it sealed all the sad memories we have had for the past three years.

A kiss that symbolizes our love for each other despite the mishaps we've been through.

Isang halik na nagpapahiwatig kung gaano kami naging matatag sa nakalipas na taon.

Isang halik na animo'y premyo sa isang patimpalak. Ang patimpalak ng pag-ibig.