Oceans [A.Shelby]

EIGHTEEN

•Trigger warning, we have reached 1.5•

LILLIAN SHELBY had been left reeling as she discovered the missing money while going through the books with Polly, so reeling that she didn't even bother to question Arthur because she knew. She knew it was him.

She didn't bother to speak to him, either, this was all his fathers doing for getting into an already clouded head. In his troubled state, she knew her husband struggled to differentiate between those that meant good and those bad, he didn't see what Lillian saw when she looked at people and made her judgement on their character. She really wasn't surprised when he didn't return home, she assumed he had stayed with one of his brothers.

While boiling a pot of tea over the stove, Lillian was startled by a knock on the door which was far from quiet and lady like, Polly Gray's fists banging against the wood impatiently before Lillian could open it.

"Is something wrong?" Lillian questioned the older woman as Polly pushed her way in.

"Perhaps theres is, or maybe there isn't, but I am worried about Arthur. I'm worried about what he'll do, his head isn't screwed on right, his father has done this to him once already and he didn't take the first time very well either." Lillian was surprised by the concern in her voice, the previous day Polly Gray didn't come across as concerned for her nephews whereabouts or his health, she was just too focused on the money he had took to realise the consequences.

"Where do you think he will be?" Lillian asked her, shrugging her coat on.

"Finn said he took them to the boxing ring the other night, try there first, and then the pub, and then possibley the cut if not." Lillian nodded, asking Polly to sort out the stove before she left, the woman didn't want to return with a broken man and for her house to be on fire.

As she walked Lillian couldn't help the shiver that ran over her, the closer she stepped to the boxing ring, the more worried she became, it was quiet, and quiet was never good in Small Heath.

She entered the establishment, her heels clicking against the dirty floor.

"Arth, you there?" She called out his name into cold and dimly lit room of sorts.

She didnt notice at first, but when she did she reacted almost instantly to the sight of her husband.

Her face drained of blood, her arms limp at her sides as a shrill scream escaped her lips, heels scraping against the floor as she dropped her bag and ran to her husband that hung in front of her, signs of life as he struggled.

There was very few occasions Lillian Shelby had ran in her life, her mother had always deemed it unladylike. Unsurprisingly, all occasions seemed to be for Arthur Shelby, the many times he had got into a mess or a fight and when he came back from the war. This time however, was the fastest.

Arthur struggled no more as just when Lillian reached him did the rope snap and Arthur slumped to the floor in a heap.

Lillian lips were pursed tightly together to hide the onslaught of cries she was sure would escape her lips while tears sprung to her eyes, her heart in the pit of her stomach as she pulled her husband to her, coughing and spluttering.

Their cries mixed together almost perfectly, Arthur clenched hold of the fabric of her shirt as she hugged him close, "you should've talked to me Arth, I'm your wife. You need to talk to me,"

When, what felt like an eternity later, their cries became futile, the pair sat in silence, Lilian running her hand through her husbands hair like a mother to her child.

"dont do this to me again, please," Lillian muttered to him, though her mutter sounded loud against the concrete.

"I'd sooner have a gun to my head then lose you," Lillian admitted, "you're going to get better, we're going to get better and in a few years time you'll think nothing of this bleak time in life, because I'm going to help you."

"We made a vow," Arrhur muttered, a sad smile pulling at the corners of Lillian's lips.

"We did," Lillian nodded, "for better or for worse, and if there is worse to come then we will ride out that storm too, together."

Lillian stood, helping her husband to her feet, Arthur noticed how she didn't meet his eyes, instead she grabbed hold of his jacket and then his hand and led him out of the building.

She couldn't meet his eye because in her mind, she was picturing him lifeless, seeing him hanging there with no sign of life even as she cried and sobbed his name, as she collapsed on the floor and begged for him to come back to her.

Her eyes would remain watery with this thought as they walked home, it didn't matter, nobody seemed to be around, nobody could see Arthur's disheveled appearance, the raw marks around his neck. They couldn't see how tightly Lillian was clutching onto her husbands hand, or how she was drawing blood from her lip to stop herself from crying. It seemed that morning, the residents of Small Heath knew to stay indoors, else they would all know what Arthur Shelby had done.

The pair kept their heads down as some stared while they walked through Watery Lane.

"There was tea on the stove, it's probably cold now," Lillian muttered to him as they entered the house, Arthur didn't say anything as without even taking her coat off, Lillian was up the stairs, the door to their bedroom had closed behind her.

A sad, scared woman stared back at her as she sat in front of the vanity, her lips void of red besides blood from the cracks, her eyes a watery blue as tears continued to escape, black around her eyes. This woman was no longer a picture of the young 20 something years ago, no, the past year had tested her, her marriage had tested her.

That morning had only made her realise that she would deal with Arthur's violent blips, she would deal with his late nights and drunkenness, she would deal with his terrors, his fits, his breakdowns. Lillian would deal with anything thrown her way, so long as there was blood in Arthur Shelby's veins, so long as he put up with her. Even if he pushed her away time and time again, Lillian would care and love Arthur Shelby for as long as she lived, nothing could change that, not even a fuck up.

Arthur was her weakness, you see. He always had been, since the very first words he spoke to her, she didn't know why, she would never know why. It's just the way it was.