Oceans [A.Shelby]

SIXTEEN

LILLIAN AWOKE startled, the room still dark and the space beside her cold. The noise that awoke her, glass shattering followed by shouts.

She pulled the sheet off her groggily, the only light being a lamp left on downstairs, barely trickling up through the landing.

Theo laid quivering in the guest bed, not daring to get up, the sounds reminding him so much of his time, the abrupt awakening, the loud noises and the shouts of wounded soldiers.

Lillian decended the stairs with baited breath, stepping into the unknown.

Arthur paced the living room, walking alongside the walls, knocking off vases and other decorative items, he was still suited and booted, Lillian knew then that he'd drank. Drinking late at night often sent Arthur into a strange state. Like he was sleep walking, experiencing war all over again, except he had never slept and he was at home, in Birmingham.

"Arthur," Lillian spoke softly, Arthur jumping at the sound of his wife's voice, despite being soft and gentle, the sound was amplified by paranoia and sounded loud and harsh.

"Stay, stay away from me.." His tone wavered as he held a hand up, a glass held in a loose grasp.

"Arthur, co-" Lillian stepped closer to him, Arthur flinching in the process, the glass hurtled towards her, barely missing her as it shattered against the wall behind her, the breath knocked from her lungs as she stood frozen, glancing at her husband in shock as she too shook.

Lillian ignored the piercing pain in her foot as she stepped on glass, trying to reach her husband, whispers and murmurs escaping his lips as he paced.

"You aren't there Arthur, you're home, you're in Birmingham." Her soft spoken words brought a fraction of Arthur back down to earth, Lillian could see he was there, if not wholly then partially.

"I'm not good enough, I'm not, I'm not good," He repeated, dropping down to the floor, his body twitching and his movements random.

Lillian knelt beside him, cuts and bruises covered his rough hands, hands that had known work, toil and suffering.

Lillian held onto his arms, "Arthur you're okay, you're okay. You're home and you're safe... that's it calm down."

Lillians soft hand rubbed against his arms in an attempt to bring him down from his state.

"I'm not going back, I'm not, I'm not." He repeated, unshed tears in his eyes.

"You're never going back, Arth, you're home for good." Lillian reassures him.

There was a moments silence, where Arthur seemed to come around, looking at the destruction he had caused, he could even see specks of blood on Lillian.

"Oh Lila," Arthur whispered, "I don't know who I am anymore,"

"We made vows to eachother those years ago, if I have to hold you up, I will. If I have to stay awake every night for you, I will. You'll get through this, Arth. The war will become a bad memory and it'll fade into the past. We'll move on with our lives and I promise you. I'll make you happy."

Lillian held tightly onto her husband as he murmured to her, "you're too good for me.. you deserve better"

"I want you, Arth. You're the only man for me, I chose you and I will keep doing so until you realise I'm not going anywhere." Lillian reassured him.

With the house only being next door, Polly heard the noise, as did Tommy, both barging in to see what had occurred at such an hour. The pair found a trembling Arthur and Lillian, feet bloody and trying to pick up the glass with her bare hands.

"We're fine, you can go back to bed, he'll be fine once he's in bed," Lillian reassured them as the pair looked between husband and wife.

Polly glanced at Tommy, nodding and telling him to go before Polly knelt beside Lillian.

The blonde winced as glass pierced the skin of her palm, Polly kneeling beside her to help.

"It's fine, Poll, I can clean this up. Will you see him to bed?" Lillian asked her Poly, nodding in response.

Once Arthur was safely in bed, still trembling and muttering 'sorry', Polly descended the stairs to find Lillian sitting  at the table, cringing as she tried to tend to her injuries.

Lillian winced as she picked pieces of glass out of her foot, dousing it in alcohol as she did so.

"Lillian, let me help you," Polly moved closer but she put her hand up, "it's fine, I can do it myself."

The woman didn't oblige this time, but sat amused as Lillian let out a huff as Polly pulled the pieces of glass from her feet and palms.

Lillian glancing down at her now bandaged feet, Polly watching what this woman had become, glancing to the room with broken furniture and specks of blood on the floor.

"When you came down from London, you were all glamorous and Small Heath talked about you for weeks, now look at you." Polly sat in front of her, not meaning for it to come out like it sounded. Polly didn't mean her words to be harsh, it was a passing thought, a thought she shared with the woman as she assessed her life just by looking at her bandaged hands, and the way she held herself as she glanced to her living room.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, raising a brow to the woman.

"If you want to get out, Lillian.. you can. I wouldn't blame you and neither would Arthur. Things are different now, he isn't the same man as he was, sometimes he isn't even here."

"He is still there, I see him, in glances, perhaps he isn't the same as he was those years ago, but he's still my husband and I've promised him many times that I would stand by him, and I don't like to break my promises." Lillian crossed her arms, annoyed by the suggestion.

"Love, I'm looking out for you, you're family, and as much as I'd like for Arthur to be happy, not at the cost of your own sanity, your own happiness.." Polly trailed off, Lillian's shoulders slumping.

"He'll be okay, Poll. He's getting better, he even spoke about children the other day, that's the Arthur I remember, he'd never shut up before the war. He's coming back. And either way, I will still love him regardless."

At the cost of her own happiness, Lillian would continue to hope, to wish, and to wait, for more shards of her husband to return, to unscramble within him and fix together.