Oceans [A.Shelby]

FOURTY-ONE

LILLIAN SAT ACROSS from Ada as the blonde stirred her tea delicately, careful to not clatter the silver spoon against the china cup for she was sure even from miles away her mother would hear it and scold her like a child.

Her parents and brothers had all gone to the Epsom races, an invite from one of their friends. Similarly, Lillian knew of the plan to pick Arthur up from prison that same day, and she knew that the peaky blinders would be attending the races also. She hoped Arthur wouldn't get himself thrown away again.

Ada smiled down at her nephew, brushing her finger against his soft cheek, "they're such darlings when they're this small aren't they?"

Lillian nodded with a smile as she looked down at the teddy Ada had brought him with fondness.

"Have you had any thoughts on what you're going to do?" Ada asked her friend quietly, knowing that she had spent a lot of time making decisions about her future and now Louis was finally here, it was time she put them into place.

"My father has placed the Warwick Estate in my name, he's opened the family funds back up to me and once Louis is a little older there are some offices in Birmingham that he wants me to manage for him. I'm going to do it, Ada. Louis deserves my undivided attention and for his mother to be happy, I can't be that person while living with Arthur." Lillian admitted her carefully thought out plan.

The Shelby sister grabbed her friends hand tightly, offering her a reassuring smile, "You are strong. You are capable. You deserve happiness, I'm not going to sit here and beg you to stay with my brother because you should have left months ago. There comes a time in a broken marriage where your happiness becomes more important and that is now. Your happiness should never be sacrificed for the sake of someones love and health."

Lillian nodded slowly, she couldn't help the water that pricked her eyes, water which she quickly tried to swipe away, failing in doing so.

"Oh Lil" Ada muttered, squeezing her hand.

"I'm okay, really I am. I just can't help but feel guilty despite knowing that it's what's best for everyone. I've gave him chances, he's took liberties and I know he needs help; I can't help but still love him. I think I will love him for the rest of my life and I also have to learn to live with that, without living with him." Running a hand over her face, she shook off the tears and took another sip of her tea, she knew her sister-in-law didn't quite know how to respond, nobody would.

"perhaps I understand a little, Freddie's buried in the ground but the love I have for him will always be there no matter the future. He gave me my son, we shared many good memories just like you and Arthur."

The pair spoke for a little longer before Ada had to leave to pick Karl up from the nanny, leaving Lillian alone in the house with the exception of the household staff and her son whom was wide awake staring up at her.

She remembered in 1913, fresh into her marriage with Arthur he would always speak about having children together. She was unsure, she thought she would be a terrible mom but she wanted Arthur's child. Smitten as she was at the very beginning, as many newly weds are, she wanted to see her husband become a father. Only, nothing ever became of it and many women around her would always ask if she was pregnant yet, or tell her it wouldn't be long and she became impatient and worried it wouldn't happen. They weren't careful, far from it in fact. It upset Lillian, led her to believe she was incapable.

Arthur stared at his wife as she brushed through her glossy curls, Lillian catching him staring in the mirror and smiling.

"Nearly caught you dribbling then," She teased, Arthur scoffing in response.

"I bet I could make you dribble, though," She grinned, lowering her night dress, a smirk forming on Arthurs lips before she pulled it back with a smirk.

"Made you look, trouble." She grinned, kneeling on the bed and planting a kiss to his lips, Arthur wrapping his arms around his wife and pulling her onto his lap.

"There was something I wanted to speak about, actually," She told him, brushing her hands through his hair as she stared down at him.

"What's that then love?" He asked.

"There's no rush to have a child, is there? Only every woman expects me to fall pregnant any minute now and it's just not happening, Arth. I don't know why." The man couldn't miss the hint of worry in her voice, nor the crease in her forehead.

"No rush, love. Dont worry over it and it will happen, one day. Next month or in a couple of years. At least I dont have to share you, you know I don't like sharing," He didn't fail to make his wife laugh at the most serious of times, or when she just really needed a lift of her mood.

He placed a dozen tender kisses up his wife's neck before leading to her lips, his hand trailing to the strap of her silky night dress.

"There's no harm in practising, is there?"

They got their baby, at the most unexpected time, when things weren't as they used to be and the conditions for a baby to be raised was far from ideal. Lillian didn't believe in things such as fate but she knew Louis was a gift sent to her, a gift sent in the best form and she would cherish him for the rest of her life.

She knew Arthur would feel just the same, under all the layers the past Arthur was still there and he would resurface from time to time. She just wished that he could stay.