Oceans [A.Shelby]

THIRTY-NINE

LAUGHTER SURROUNDED Lillian as she sat at a long flower-adorned table in her parents London home. Each chair filled by the newly-weds closest family members as soft violins played in the background.

The party had changed into darker, elegant evening outfits with glamorous jewellery decorating their skin, a sign of their wealth.

Lillian scraped away at one of two desserts on the menu, unfortunately for her she had been seated next to her grandmother who didn't cease to ask her an abundance of questions on topics she didn't care about nor did she understand.

As far as politics went, Lillian believed them to be just a bunch of wealthier men pretending they cared about the lives of others. Really, in her eyes the decisions they made only seemed to benefit themselves or their beliefs.

"Where is your husband dear? I noticed he has dissappeared." Her grandmother realised, Lillian placing her spoon down as she finished her food.

"Unfortunately he had to tend to some business." Lillian informed her grandmother who made a small noise in response.

"Does he tend to business often? You're due to birth any day now surely business could have waited." She added.

Lillian put on her best fake smile as she placed a soft hand on her grandmothers, "I assure you, I'm plenty capable of taking care of myself."

Her grandmother turned her attentions elsewhere, Lillian relieved to be left in peace for at least a few minutes. She found herself watching others converse as opposed to joining in herself, her mind playing elsewhere and it really had been for some time now.

She remembered the evening of her own wedding, much different to this. The Garrison filled with the Shelby family, the Peaky Blinders and their families. It was far more chaotic and far from classy but Lillian remembered that her smile didn't cease the entire night. All the worries she had prior to her wedding slipped away for she had been welcomed as if she was one of their own. As if she wasn't just a rich girl who showed up and took Arthur Shelby by storm.

That was then, when everything seemed easier, when her husband came home each night and they went on walks. When he didn't fail to make her smile each day and rarely made her cry- only in laughter.

They had grown and evolved as a couple and as people, they had each experienced things that had changed them. That had changed their lives.

She wished she was back there in the Garrison when things were easier, what she would sacrifice for everything to be easier again.

What she did know, her child would make her feel less lonely in the world. Her child was giving her a reason to not just stop and sit and stare. A purpose in her life.

Later that evening, while a band was entertaining a maid dressed in black rushed to find Lillian who sat comfortably besides Faith.

"Mrs Shelby there's a Mrs Thorne waiting in the entrance for you,"

Lillians face wrinkled with surprise as she stood, making her way to her sister-in-law who looked worlds apart from Lillian.

What Lillian first observed was the look of worry on Ada's face and in turn, it projected onto the blonde.

"Ada, is everything okay?" She asked.

"I wish I could say it was, there's been a set up Lil. John phoned me not half hour ago. Michael's been taken to prison, Lils.." Ada trailed off.

"A set up? Why do I sense there's more to this Ada?"

Ada grabbed hold of Lillians hand, "Arthur's been accused of murder, he's in prison."

Like a gush of wind, the air was knocked from Lillians lungs whose arms went limp at her sides as she stared at the woman.

Words spun in her head. He'll hang. He'll hang.

"They're trying everything to get him out Lil, I promise. They will get him out," Ada reassured her but it was far too late for reassurance as Ada found herself having to lower the shaking woman to the floor.

"That's it, you sit there catch your breath," Ada rubbed her back.

It felt as if her mouth had ran dry, her breath uneven and it wasn't just that. Ever so slowly liquid wet her dress, her eyes widening a fraction as she placed a hand to her belly.

Theo entered the entrance hall to see what was going on, rushing to his sister who was seated on the floor.

"Ada," Lillian spoke with a shakey voice, "my dress is wet,"

"Oh shit," Ada swore, looking to Theo, "the baby's coming, fetch your mother."

Lillian's labour, described as due to "stressors" was long and very difficult, towards the end she was very adamant on giving up and accepting her fate for her child would just not come.

With a threat of a slap however and a speech from Ada that went along the lines of 'push, Lillian! You have waited too long for this child, show them that they have at least one parent willing to lay everything down for them. Don't be like Arthur, don't give up now not when you're so close to seeing your baby' Lillian gave birth to her child the late hours of the next day.

He was a blonde haired beauty and with the tiniest features he was what Dora described as bonnie.

There wasn't a word in the dictionary that could describe the feeling Lillian felt as she held her son, as she held his hand and kissed his little fingers for the first time. She had never felt a love quite like it, despite being afraid she wouldn't feel this love for her child or she wouldn't know what to do with a baby. Truthfully, she knew no mother ever did and they just made it up along the way.

Despite being tired beyond words and all she wanted to do was sleep, she asked to be left alone with her son. Looking down at him as he slept against her chest she couldn't help but sing the song her mother used to sing her.

'Star light, star bright,
The first star I see tonight;
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.'