Oceans [A.Shelby]

FOURTY

THE DAYS WERE LONG but the nights were even longer. Lillian was adamant she would be the one to take care of her child, she didn't want them being raised by maids. She would feed her child, she would teach her child all there was to know about the world.

Despite all her recent anguish, her child was the escape she needed, her solace in a thunderstorm. She felt safer with him in her arms, and with the way her son snuggled up to her, stared with his own blue eyes, Lillian knew that he felt safe too.

Louis Theodore Shelby.

Days old and he had yet to know his father, Lillian had yet to know his fathers fate, either. She waited and waited for news, Ada knew nothing, Polly was too occupied. Thomas Shelby seemed too busy to phone her and her own father cared too much about his reputation to try and get his son in law out of prison.

Despite everything, the last thing Lillian wanted was for Arthur to hang for something he didn't do.

She had told stories about Arthur to her sleeping son, telling him how she was sure he would love him. How when he is older they'd kick a ball about on Watery Lane with his cousins.

She would never keep him from Arthur, no matter the decision she made. He would be in arms reach, at least while their son was young.

Alas, despite Lillians insistence on no help, doing it alone wasn't easy. She had learnt this as she found herself tired and desperate in the ungodly hours of the morning. Her sons wails gave no indication of what he wanted, she had been through the tick list and nothing pleased him. She held him to her chest and rocked him, pacing around her room pleading with him to quieten.

He didn't want to feed, he didn't need changing, he just wouldn't sleep and she was losing her mind.

"Mrs Shelby would you like me to take the little lad off you so you can get some sleep?" A maid popped her head around the door after a knock.

"No, no thank you." Lillian replied hastily.

It went on for another half hour and he just wouldn't settle, Lillian was at her wits end, and a lump was starting to form in her throat.

Dora padded bare foot along the hallway, dressed in her night gown with her eyes tired from sleep as she knocked lightly on her daughters door. She had made a habit of checking on her daughter in the night since she had given birth. A mother would never stop worrying about her children, even when they have their own.

"Motherhood isn't that easy is it, my darling?" Dora spoke quietly as she entered the room, she had tired eyes, and sat beside her daughter on her bed.

"He won't sleep. He doesn't need changing and he doesn't want feeding but he won't let me put him down."

"You was exactly like this, and when you were I used to lay you down on my chest and you'd fall asleep in 10 minutes, I'd be so scared to move you but after about an hour I'd put you in your cot." Dora smiled,  Lillian glanced down at her son and she did just that. Scooting down the bed she laid him on her chest and his little cries became quiter until he was lying just wide eyed.

"Motherhood is hard, my darling, I was like you, didn't want any help from the maids when you were just a tiny baby. There were few occasions where your father begged me to let them look after you for my own sanity."

Lillian looked at her mother in confusion, "I remember being surrounded by maids and helpers when I was younger?"

Dora smiled softly, "I didn't cope so well after Edward was born I admit, I became a little detached. They call it something now but I cant remember what it is. I admit after that, I had all the help that was available to me but it will never change how much I loved you and how I tried my utmost to give you my attention and my love."

Lillian smiled in understanding, "I get that, mother. I'll learn to understand now more than ever I'm sure."

The next morning, and for the first time in days, Lillian changed out of her bed clothes and bathed properly. To say she felt fresher was an understatement, despite her near none existent hours of sleep. She dressed her babe and swaddled him just like a maid had shown her before she joined her family for breakfast.

Lillian stepped delicately down the stairs, her family quietening as she entered the room.

"Don't stop talking on my account, please, talk to your hearts desire. I've missed conversation, he makes a lot of noise but it's hardly coherent," Lillian joked.

William watched his daughter closely as she sat beside him, placing toast on her plate before being presented with the difficult task of spreading the magerine. One handed.

"allow me," The hard-faced father's resolve softened as he held his arms for his grandson.

Lillian was surprised to say the very least but passed her son and got to work on filling her stomach adequately enough.

William looked down at his grandson whose eyes looked lazy as they moved around, he took in his features trying to decide whether he looked more like Lillian or Arthur. He came to the conclusion he had inherited Lillians hair and her eyes, even his ears looked similar to his daughters.

"A wedding and our first grandchild, we've truly been spoilt haven't we my darling?" Dora smiled at her husband.

"I confess I may be a difficult man, and I frustrate you all to no end but everything I do is for this family. And now, for the newest addition to the family, whom I am growing fonder of by the second." William cleared his throat.

The May siblings looked at eachother, wondering who this man was and what had happened to soften him up, they weren't going to complain for they knew if their father was softening up they could get away with much more.