A Land Of Monsters And Men

Pursuit of Peace

The Abyss Inside Us - Lullaby

{Am I dead? Did something or someone eat me? This is the same place where Ymir faded away, so I'd guess I did get eaten.

Now I'm in someone else's life.

Always in someone else's life.

If Ymir was freed because of Historias promise I guess I'll be free if this person helps me find my sister.

Maybe by then I'll know what it was to be happy.

To be finally free.

I just don't understand how I ended up here. With these people and these monsters. In the middle of this war.

I'm starting to wish I had my old life back, I should have enjoyed it better.
I should have given myself more time rather than always having to worry about how others viewed me.

But then again if I was a piece of shit I would have never gotten that job on test driving vehicles.

That was hard.

I did have dreams of finding a husband and starting a family.
I wasn't stupid I knew that even if I did find a husband he probably wouldn't stay with me but I didn't care. I just wanted to have children.

If the father gave me problems I'd just leave him. I had a good job after all.
Two jobs, one testing vehicles and the other was picking trash up from parks and streets.

Was I sent to this hell because of how ungrateful I was? Because I didn't enjoy my life, or because I was faking how good of a person I was the entire time?

I felt like a fake person because no one else seemed to care.
Or they would tell me I was faking it.
That no one is good.

Whenever there was a school fight I always felt like I needed to get involved and stop it. It's like I had no control of my body. Even when I attempted to ignore those that needed help I'd find myself by their side.

I'd always help others but I never really expected anyone else to help me. Not everyone has the same prints. I was stupid, I know now why Ymir said I was trash like her.

Her life reminded me of mine.

I gave away my own happiness for others but in the end, it didn't matter.
Seems like we all try to give away our own freedom for the freedom of others.

I was mugged by someone who had a popped tire in the streets.

I just wanted to help them but it was easier for them to just steal my vehicle. It wasn't even my vehicle, it was the companies vehicle.

When I called the police they ended up arresting me believing I was the thief from the car with the popped tire.

It didn't help that they forgot about my court case. I was in jail for a month with idiot officers. In all honesty if it wasn't for one prisoner that brought up my case during her court trial I probably would have died in there.

While my case was brought up my company sued me for not communicating with them and for loosing their vehicle.

It was miserable but all I could think about was that woman that brought up my case.

She was accused of drowning her two children.
She said it's because she regretted bringing them into a harsh world.

She regretted what she did but there wasn't much she could do. She was afraid that maybe her children wouldn't find a home if they were adoptive, plus she was bipolar and schizophrenic.