𝒓𝒉𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒎 ➙ 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒘𝒏 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒔

twenty

natalie atkins
3:32PM
los angeles, california.

"you ready to hear the album?" i ask shawn with a smile, as he sits on the couch of the home studio, he nods his head stretching his arms out behind him as he leans back.

he looked so hot like that.

"you sure?" i ask again, he chuckles.

"yeah, c'mon play it already." i grab my hardrive and put it into my laptop.

"i'll skip pov because im sure you've heard it loads of times before." i say playfully in a cocky manner, "you know because it's always on the radio."

he rolls his eyes playfully, "ok miss pop star."

i put positions on and turn around to look away, i don't want to see shawn's reaction, i feel so awkward showing him my songs, i can see him get off the couch in the corner of my eyes, what is he doing?

"man you have such an amazing talent." he mumbles, my cheeks flush and i thank him, the song ends and we belong starts to play almost immediately, i pause it. "no no, play it." he says, i press play and bite my lip.

this song has a big significance to me, it was one of the first songs i wrote about someone that was hurting me emotionally, but i didn't know until it was too late. it's not too noticeable in this song what it's about because i wanted this song to be more focused on the feeling of love i was experiencing at the time of the event.

i genuinely was considering moving in with this person, and possibly even marrying them - thank god i got myself out of that horrible situation.

the song ended, and i just felt overwhelmed thinking about the meaning behind this song, i had some tears welling up in my eyes but i pushed them back, "woah." shawn says, i breathe out through my nose and it almost sounds like a soft laugh. "who's it about? the song?" he asks, looking at me, his eyes softening.

"uhm" i begin, clearing my throat, "it's about a person i used to know." i mumble, he nods his head, i can sense he was expecting more but i don't think i was prepared to tell him about that, suddenly 'panic room' comes on and shawn turns his head round, pulling up a chair next to the mixing board where i was sat.

panic room i wrote after i got diagnosed with anxiety and ptsd, which ended up taking a toll on my mental state for the bad, i was in a really dark place but i learned how to confront it and now i'm much better, shawn pauses the song and looks at me, taking my hand.

"are you ok?" he asks, looking into my eyes, i nod my head, clearing my throat again.

"yeah. this song was written like a year ago, so i'm much better now." i mumble, i felt so awkward letting him into my head like that, i mean i know im sharing these songs with fans but it's different when you're showing them to someone in the same room as you.