fifty-four

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natalie atkins9:21AMlos angeles, ca

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natalie atkins
9:21AM
los angeles, ca.

today was the day.

today marks the one year anniversary of the death of the person i thought was my soulmate and my brother.

i still can't believe they're gone.

me and juliana were supposed to meet the director today and have a more solid idea for the music video but i asked her to reschedule for tomorrow, at first she was hesitant but when i told her why she completely understood and let me go.

"hey mom, i'm leaving and i probably won't be back for a while." i tell my parents who were eating breakfast, they quietly nod their heads and i leave the house.

they haven't visited the cemetery since their funeral, i think they probably just don't want to face the reality of seeing their eldest child in a grave, which i completely understand but i wish they would come to visit.

i used to go every single day to just talk to them, that was until i got signed by island records, then the visits became less frequent because i became so busy.

the familiar drive to the cemetery felt nostalgic but i couldn't pin point whether it was in a good way or a bad way, on one hand it felt good to see two of the most important people in my life again but it also brought me back memories from the funeral and how much of a mess i was back then.

mr and mrs peters were already there by the time i arrived, crouching in front of ethan's grave, they didn't see me yet so i walked over slowly to them, careful not to walk over the bodies below.

"hello mr and mrs peters." i mumbled, gently placing some flowers next to ethan's grave and then placing some more on to my brothers grave, gently touching his stone, i shivered at the cold touch.

"natalie." mrs peters says, i can feel a small hint of coldness in her tone as she looked down to ethan's grave, cleaning it, "what are you doing here?"

"well, today marks one year." i whisper, wiping a stray tear that fell from my face, "and i just wanted to speak to them."

mrs peters scoffs slightly, "don't act like this isn't your brothers fault." she tells me, looking up at me and wiping the dirt from her knees, "your brother was drunk and he, he crashed into that building, he was the one who, who made my little boy suffer." her voice cracked a bit.

i bent my head down, i didn't want to look her in the eyes, because she was right, my brother was drunk and he shouldn't have been driving - but there was no other choice for him, driving was his only way home, i know he wouldn't have done it if he could avoid it, "because of your brother, my boy will never, never get the chance to grow up." she cries.

𝒓𝒉𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒎  ➙ 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒘𝒏 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒔Where stories live. Discover now