𝒓𝒉𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒎 ➙ 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒘𝒏 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒔

bonus chapter six

natalie atkins
los angeles, california
1:47PM

here i was, in my home studio and i had all these feelings bottled up, but i just couldn't bring myself to write them
down.

if i write it down, they become real, and i don't want it to be real.

but i just couldn't live with this thought haunting me; the thought of shawn and us possibly being together, it just didn't seem feasible in any way.

i've always heard that dating people in the same job field as you is bad, because as much as that person would understand you, you'd also never have time for them.

and that's how i currently feel, i feel like if me and shawn were to ever officially date that would be a big mistake because he would be off doing his thing all around the globe being a world famous heartthrob and well, i would more than likely being doing my own thing too - probably not to his scale, at least not yet but how would we ever find time for each other?

it just doesn't seem like it would ever work out, and i can't go through that kind of heartbreak once more.

i've been through it twice, one broke me and one ruined me - going through it a third time i have no idea what it would do to me, would i spiral?

as i sat on the piano stool, i stared at the prisitine ivory keys, waiting to be played - i haven't touched them in a while.

"is it cool that i said all that? is chill that you're in my head? 'cause i know that it's delicate" i hum along as i play a random beat that was ringing in my head.

the beat was very much a soft rock kind of ballad, it was a completely new style to what i was going for but i liked it, i liked it a lot actually. "my reputations never been worse so, you must like me for me."

"yeah i want you."

i feel like this song beautifully encompassed what i was going through - with all my doubt about shawn, going into a new relationship but also thinking about all my past failed relationships, is it all going to do down the same road?

however i knew that this was not the right song for the next album, because the label already told me they want to produce an album that is completely and totally about love and nothing else.

none of that doubt, worry or heartbroken stuff, that's how they put it, so i have to work with that. this second album is only about love and nothing else, even though i didn't want to write about any of that.

they had already said that they took too much of a risk with my first album since it was way too much for the audience way too soon - however they were surprised to see it do so well.

i think it was exactly what the people needed to hear, they needed to know that there was someone out there with the same struggles as theirs so they knew they weren't alone.

because i knew people out there felt the same way that i do, so hearing people sing about it and put it into words is very relieving.

so, i did the next best thing, i made a demo of this song and sent it to juliana, telling her to find someone for this song, anyone.

because it needs to be heard and if not by me, then someone else.

i know it will be a truly beautiful song to hear.