𝒓𝒉𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒎 ➙ 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒘𝒏 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒔

forty-six

natalie atkins
10:12PM
new york city, ny.

"thank you so much new york! you've been amazing, i love you all! get home safe!" i shout into the mic as the lift goes down with me and the dancers waving to the crowd.

"great show natalie!" cez says once the microphone has been turned off, i pull out the earpiece and hand the microphone over to the stage crew, thanking everyone before walking over to my changing room.

"god i'm so tired." i mumble as i wipe my makeup off and get the hair extensions taken out, josh laughs at my comment. "i didn't know it would be this hard."

"get used to it darling, you're going to have more to come." he tells me. "i can sense it."

i get back onto the tour bus and fall on to my bed, ever so gently to make sure i don't wake up ally who was fast asleep, or at least i thought, i felt the space next to me completely empty, where's ally?

that's when i saw a note on her nightstand telling me that she went to spend the night at the hotel so she could focus on her work.

this bitch is going to pull an all-nighter just to get her work done, wow. i admire the dedication that ally has to her craft, who knows maybe she can work under the record label that i belong to, that would be so much fun.

i remember how shawn said he was going to teach me how to play guitar after tonight's show but he was pretty much fast asleep when i got in, and to be honest i am way too tired to learn anything right now.

all i could think about was attending the american music awards with shawn, not because i was going with him although that is part of the reason but mainly because this is my first awards show and possibly win my first award.

that's when i remember to go on to twitter and quickly retweet the ama's post about me being nominated, so i quickly do that, making sure to thank them before shutting my phone off and putting it on my night stand.

as i lay there on my bed, my mind couldn't help but drift to my past, and how far i've come. i was no longer that girl who's boyfriend would insult, belittle or patronize her, slowly but surely i was getting better, even though his words still linger in my head sometimes especially when performing, it would play tricks on me telling me i'm not a good singer or that i'm not worth it.

sometimes i wonder if it's true, and i wonder if maybe just maybe cyrus had a point but, if he was right then juliana wouldn't have given me a chance, right? the way he crashed my self-esteem is somewhat comical to me, in the eight months that we were together he managed to ruin so much for me, in such a short time frame. i've always wondered how he made me so infatuated with him for so long?

luckily, my parents and ally pushed me to continue, because of them i'm where i'm at now.

the door to my room was slightly open and i could hear shawn snoring away, i should probably sleep too, i change into some more comfortable clothes and let the dark cradle me to sleep.