only a matter of time // HikaKao

I'm Falling

        .:Kaoru's PoV:. 
       As we scooted inside the limousine, my mum grabbed a hold of my father's blazer and cried deeply. My face was more than likely tear-streaked and I looked down into my shaking hands. My father cleared his throat and took some breaths. "Do you want to hear from the beginning son?" He asked me. I slowly nodded, not looking him in the eyes. "Well, Akio was our first baby, before you two devils came into our lives." I smiled as a picture of Tamaki popped up in my mind. "Akio was born with heterochromatic eyes actually. The one on his left was amber like yours and mine, but the one on his right was bright. Bright like your mother's here."
        My mother shivered visually at her name and she slowly sat up, where she calmed down a bit but she still shook. "I-I can take it from here." My father sent her a sympathetic look before nodding and grabbing her fragile hand. "Everyone loved Akio as he grew. He had manners and he learned very quickly." My parents grew a small smile as I believe they were remembering memories of my older?younger? sibling. "We completely loved him with all of our hearts, but then... it, it was after a playdate with his friends."
        My eyes wandered to my mother's shaking frame and I watched in agony as my father's head slipped down. Thoughts began swimming in my head and I froze right there. "W-What happened?" I stuttered out, unable to think of any more death scenes in my brain. "T-Then, Akio, he was on his way back from his playdate." Mum paused for a moment before continuing, "When a drunk driver on the other side of the road lost control and swerved hardly into the limousine which Akio was in."
        "The chauffeur, the other driver, and Akio were all killed in the crash. And that was the day we lost our little boy..." Mum trailed off, more tears rolling down her pale cheeks like unraveling streamer rolls. My breath hitched in my throat as I saw her cry. I also noticed a small tear fall out of my father's eye also.
        "It hurts them this much just to lose one son to death. And here I've been thinking my life is worthless, willing to lose to death, ready for the end to come and take me away from this reality. I can't even think of how heart-broken they'd be if I just gave up like that. I need to stay strong." I sniffed and looked out the window, sitting up straight.
        "For them." I glanced at my sobbing parents, but back outside the window looking to the passing scene. On the side of the road was a single rose bush, with different colored roses. White, Purple, Navy, Pink, Red, Orange, and a Sky Blue.
        "For myself." I felt a sharp pain where my cuts were on my wrists and I winced slightly. I took one glance down at myself and I inwardly gasped. My limbs were like twigs, I was so skinny, I might as well be one of those creepy skeletons for biology. 
        "For him." My mind wandered to Hika and how he'd be if I ever did commit suicide. He'd be a wreck wouldn't he? I'm his brother, his twin, his other half. Why in the hell wouldn't he be sad? I know he doesn't feel that way I feel about him, but that's okay. Because I'll wait. 
        Yeah, I'll wait until he does realize his final thoughts and ends about me. Then, and only then, will I make this choice. Am I going to stay the way I am, weak and vulnerable, or will I change for the better? Will I become stronger or weaker? Will the carriage that bonds us break and crash into something? I don't know that for sure, but I do know this. 
        I'm falling. Falling into the black of an unknown eternity, into somewhere I don't know. I fell over the edge, but now I need to get back up. The question is how?