only a matter of time // HikaKao

What's Wrong with Me?

        *TimeSkip to the next few days*

        .:Kaoru's PoV:.

       I was locked inside my room, that I made the maids clean and dust, not moving an inch. My tear stained cheeks and forehead were all dirty with sweat. My hair was matted from the lack of hygiene and I was only in a big shirt and boxers. I had a shaking blade next to me and my now bleeding wrists covered and wrapped messily.

        Nice job of taking care of yourself. Shut up kaoru #2, you're just in my mind. Doesn't mean I can't feel what you feel. Alright, got me there, but what else am I supposed to do. What do you mean? Everywhere I look, I see him. I can't even look at my own reflection without crying like a baby! I understand that... How about a movie? What? Let's go see a movie or just go out, you can invite Kat! Well, that does sound fun, alright. Yay! Kaoru #2 for Mayor! Shut up...

        Well, that was weird. I've gone completely insane that I started talking to myself. I shake my head and get up from my bed. My pillow was wet and I had a few but barely noticeable spots of blood on it also. I sigh and walk to my dresser where a full body mirror stands. I take a look at myself and I feel my eyes water. I gotten skinnier, almost anorexic, my hair was deflated, and I had bags under my eyes. My eyes, they didn't shine anymore with happiness or excitement. They were nearly dull and a tone darker. 

        I look away quickly and grab a towel. I walk into the bathroom that's connected to my dark room and flick on the lights. There's still a few blood drops on the tile and I remind myself to clean that up. I close the door and leave it unlocked. I put the towel on the sink counter and I turn the cold water on. I strip and look at myself. I could see my rib cage barely sticking out and the scars on my wrists and thighs. I'm used to seeing this so I pay no attention to it and hop in the shower. The water hitting my bare skin is relaxing and I stay under the nozzle.

        I pour a bit of shampoo and conditioner in my hand and mix them. I scrub my hair and rinse it until it squeaks. I smile a bit and turn the water off. When I open the curtain, a blast of cold air hits me and I flinch. I grab the towel I left and wrap it around my bony waist. That's weird, I could've sworn I closed the door. I open it fully and more cold air hits me. "K-Kaoru?" I recognized that voice, the one that sounded like me.

         I look up and I see my brother sitting on my bed, wide-eyed and mouth open. I gasped and ran back into the bathroom, locking the door this time. "Kaoru! Open the door!" He pounds on the door and I start tearing up. "G-Go away Hikaru!" I shout back, so loud I hurt my own eardrums. He stops pounding on the wooden door and I hear a sigh. "Kaoru, c'mon bro." I clamp my hands over my ears and a tear rolls down my cheek. 

        "I'll talk to you when I'm actually dressed." I reply, not hearing what he said before. I hear a grunt and my bedroom door close. I open my bathroom door and I peek inside my room. It's cold and empty, like my heart's condition right now. I sigh in relief and walk out. I lock the door so no one can come in and eye rape my skinny body without me noticing. Yes, because everyone wants to eye rape us. Not now! 

        I pull on some dark blue boxers and a white undershirt, then some jeans, and finally a long sleeved orange striped top! I have no idea why I just announced it like it was a prize... oh, well. I shrugged and looked at myself in the mirror. 

        Everything looked fine with me except those damned bags under my eyes. They were noticeable but I didn't care anymore. I turned around and I looked at my bed. It was messy and it glimmered. Wait glimmered? The knife was just in the open for anyone to see! I smacked my forehead and I quickly ran to the blade, and I tucked it under my mattress. Y'know when you smack yourself, it hurts me too. I don't care, you're technically me so deal with it. 

        I grabbed my phone and text Kat. 'Hey, wanna go see a movie?' She replied almost instantly, 'Sure, now?' I smiled slightly and replied with a smiley ':) Yup, want me to pick you up?'  She took a little longer to reply this time. 'Nah, I live close to the theater, meet you there in about 15?' I replied with a simple 'Yup.' and I started packing up for the movies. I told the maids to inform anyone if they ask for me, which I doubt it. I ran down the hall with a small smile on my face. I by passed a couple of maids and my parents. EHH?!

        "Mom, Dad?" I said turning around. They embraced me in a hug and I hugged back. "What're you doing here?" I asked. They let go and looked at each other. "Well, we both had a break and came home." Mom said, laughing a bit. Dad just agreed with her and they turned to me. "Where are you going young man?" Dad asked. "Oh, I was going to see a movie with my friend. Is that okay?" They nodded but Mom pinched my cheeks. "That's okay, just come home before curfew, Kaoru." 

        Over the years, Mom and Dad finally found a way to tell us apart, but now I'm sure it was more noticeable. "Also, you need to get more sleep. Your eyes are so dull and baggy." Dad ruffled my hair and I nodded. "M'kay! See you later." I ran off towards the front door...

To Be Continued...