His Nepenthe | complete

author's note

Hello my loves,

I'm not sure how to start this goodbye, mostly because I don't want to say it.

I have to thank you all, firstly. I know that much.

Without the support of you, my readers, I wouldn't have done any of this. I wouldn't have written my first full length novel and I wouldn't be writing my first novel away from the internet that will be under my real name.

To the few who were here from the start every single week, you have a special place in my heart and you will for a long time.

When I started writing His Nepenthe, it was because I have had my fair share of dances with suicide. You can never cut as deeply as you think you need when there is something distracting you, like happy memories, even if you're just trying to give yourself some cathartic pain. You can't hold yourself down to drown as easily as you may think, you'll thrash and take off the weights. You can't swallow all the medication you need because you'll be so sick of yourself you'll throw up. You don't want to fail at dying, but it's very easy to.

That's why I wrote this. Because no one ever knew I tried. I never wanted anyone to know.

I hate knowing even when I'm happy, I can be suicidal. But, that is the truth of this mental illness. It's debilitating and dangerous.

I found something to help me, though. My own Brandy.

Writing.

I hope one day, it's something I can do full time. Editing, publishing, writing my own novels.

Only time will tell, I guess. For now, I say goodbye to this novel, and goodbye to all of you.

Once again, thank you.

I love you all with everything I have. Take care of yourselves for me.

Until the next sunrise.

Sincerely,

Sage x