nepenthe
nɪˈpɛnθiːz/
noun
something that can make you forget grief or suffering.
*
Everyone needs something to take the pain away every so often, and for him, that was her.
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S H A K I N G H A N D S
*
My fists were unwrapped when they reached the leather punching bag, splitting immediately on impact. The sound of the crack was so cathartic, the pain that ripped through my knuckles satisfying the boiling blood that ran through my veins.
My earphone had half fallen out of my ear at this, the music still louder than my thoughts were.
'checking my heart again,
it's still beating.
greyer than winter days,
the clouds in my head.′
My body was twitching and I couldn't do anything about it but reach the heavy black leather with uncovered fists. The blood leaked from the pressure on my skin, painting my hands in speckles of crimson.
My head was pounding. Part of me wanted to fall asleep just to see him again, even if all I could do was watch him die. At least I could try to save him again.
'all my life,
been changing lanes.
i'm so bored of taking my chances,
of making mistakes.'
As I pulled back my fist, I nearly jumped at the soft touch on my shoulder. I whipped around, chest still heaving, to see soft golden eyes gazing into mine with such concern. My face was still contorted in anger, unable to fix my composure until I completed my catharsis.
"Christian, are you okay?" Her voice was quiet, soft.
My throat was dry as I took her hand off of me, "Leave, Brandy," I grumbled, turning back to the bag.
She refused my request, moving around so she could catch my stare again, "If not, we can talk-"
"Brandy..."
"You're not alone in whatever it is-"
"Brandy, stop."
Her eyes softened as she reached out to my hand, "I'm here for you."
I clenched my fists tightly, punching the bag with all my strength before turning to the smaller girl, "Brandy, I said leave! Get the fuck out of here and out of my life! Do you ever shut the fuck up!?"
'now i need.
i want,
to surrender.′
My heart stopped dead in its tracks as I met her gaze. Her eyed were wide, the fear evident. I stepped closer, noticing the subtle way she tried to reel backfrom me. A tear streaked down her cheek, her body too petrified to move. I pinched the bridge of my nose, sighing deeply.
