His Nepenthe | complete

2. Blinking

B L I N K I N G E Y E S

*

"Did you know that you can drown yourself in one tablespoon of water?" I mused, staring at my half empty scotch.

He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose to nurse a forming headache, "Look, kid, I let you in here because I know you've got it rough, but if you start talkin' like that you've gotta leave. I don't need to have your suicide on my conscience," the bartender, Brian I think, muttered, his voice cold and uninviting.

"Great. Thanks," I let out a deep breath, pulling out a note to pay for my drinks as I downed the final one.

I headed out the back, watching as people took long drags of cigarettes.

I didn't understand how people could smoke in the streets. It was so selfish. The smoke that dispersed into the midnight air was beautiful, sure, but the people who had those cigarettes could care less about the people around them, and never thought of the future expense of their hobby.

My eyes fixated on me feet as I turned the corner, trudging with a few stumbles, up to a rooftop near by. The cold air was soothing my body, coaxing me into peaceful sounding thoughts.

But they weren't peaceful. They were dangerous. They were the thoughts that took my hand, dragging me up the steps, and all the way to the ledge of the building, as I stared out to the horizon, watching the sky.

The black dull sparkle of stars glared back at me, racking guilt into my chest.

'do it,' they dared in venom laced words, 'jump'.

My hands brushed against the short wall, gaining good grip as I lifted myself up to the ledge.

"Christian, stop." A soft voice whispered into the cold night air from behind me.

I turned my head, my eyes widening as I met her beautiful warm golden and hazel eyes blinking at me.

"Go." I whispered back, my voice harsh, raw.

"No, you shouldn't do this," She pleaded, her voice shaky in the wind that whipped by us.

"You don't know me. You don't know what I should or shouldn't do," I felt queasy as I stared at the black ground, like the nothingness that begged to swallow my soul. It wanted to taste my delicious last breath.

She cleared her throat, composing herself, "Alright, fair enough. So let me get to know you. Let's start with, uh... what's your name?"

I scoffed at the question, "You know my name."

Her eyes softened, fear and anxiousness swirling like dark pools within her irises. Something about this was hurting her, "Just... Please." She whispered back, a soft sigh leaving hopeful lips.

I turned to her fully, scowling as I jumped off the wall, moving closer to her, looming over her fragile frame, "What do you want me to say, huh? Hi, my name's Christian Valdez and I want to kill myself?"