His Nepenthe | complete

8. Deep

D E E P B R E A T H S

*

I had never hated the smell of a room so much until I had first walked in to the office I was then forced into every Thursday. The councillor's room was scented like burnt vanilla, caused by the incense that Miss Falinger seemed addicted to burning each morning.

Falinger herself was nice enough, pleasant and accepting of my hatred for our relationship. But I detested the therapy. It didn't work. It helped nothing but fuel my clenched fists further.

"You've spiralled again," her voice was quiet, potentially disappointed. We had a strained relationship, but she tried her best to hold onto her positivity even in the midst of my black hole like pessimism. Sometimes, however, the black hole won.

I sighed in irritation, picking at the fabric of the seat, "You think I don't know that?"

"You need to take deep breaths -"

"What do you think I fucking do?"

The older woman merely blinked at my language, a stern look reaching her face, "You, Christian, do not think of consequences."

"What consequences are there when you're dead?" I slumped in my chair, folding my arms over my chest. My words were quiet enough that she wouldn't be able to make it out. She was far too used to my muttering at this point.

"Do you have any friends outside of school?"

"We've destroyed the idea of me having friends in school?"

The way she blinked seemed as if the way trying her best not to roll her eyes, "I notice that you don't really hang out with anyone."

"Of course you did."

"It's my job, Christian. I'm trying to help you. There's only so much I can do."

"Alright? No. Is that what you wanted? The sad little boy to admit that he has no friends?" I sunk deeper into the chair, wallowing in my own nightmarish head.

"Are you sure?"

I thought about the hazel eyes that were becoming too familiar.

"Yes"

"Why do you think that is?"

I scoffed, "Isn't it obvious? I'm a tall dickhead who's mother has her head so far up her ass and a heart so fucking ruined -"

"Christian."

"Miss Falinger, I have -" the familiar figure of a golden girl stopped at the door as she looked up to meet the tension of the room, "Oh shit, I'm so sorry, I was just... not -"

Falinger waved her hand dismissively, sending a school-appropriate polite grin to the girl, "It's fine, honey. What was it?"

"The photocopies you were asking for?"