His Nepenthe | complete

44. Pinky

P I N K Y P R O M I S E

*

Knocking on her door was the most nerve-wracking thing I had ever done. So many things could go wrong; she wasn't here, someone else could answer the door, she's too busy for me anymore, she might slam the door in my face.

But I had to prevail. If not for me, then for her.

She needed to know that I thought of her through every second. She needed to know that she's the reason I stood breathing and she would be for a very long time.

A shot of terror ran through my spine when the door opened, revealing Brandy herself. Even with her hair thrown up in a messy ponytail, a baggy shirt and shorts with dark sleepless bags under her eyes, she still managed to look incredible.

I noticed her lip quiver slightly at the sight of me, her teeth stopping it instantly. Then, when I met her eyes, all words I wanted to say became thoughts long gone from the back of my mind.

The only thing I wanted to do was stare into her eyes.

"You're here," She mumbled, her voice shaky.

I nodded, my eyes glancing down to the ground as I found my voice, "I found a word."

"Was it the meaning of 'don't'? Because I'm pretty sure I said don't ever talk to me again," she voice was filled with venom, her kind eyes seething at the sight of me. She would have reeled back from my touch, my words. But I understood exactly why.

I had said some things I wish I didn't and had destroyed all our trust the moment I told her I would never open my eyes again. Anyone in their right mind would have been angry too.

I took a deep breath, lifting my head again. Her golden eyes made my heart stutter, "I know, and I know I shouldn't be here, but if you didn't want to hear me out, you would have smashed the door into my face by now."

She opened her mouth to say something, only to shut it again before mumbling, "Go on."

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes as I thought about that one word that felt so true to her, "Nepenthe, noun. Something that can make you forget grief or suffering," I lifted my head, opening my eyes to meet hers. They were sheathed with tears held back, scared and sad. It broke me to know I was the reason, "You, Brandy, are my Nepenthe. The times we were together, I wouldn't think about how much I really wanted to die, and slowly, I knew I wanted to be there for you for longer than I had ever planned on staying. You helped me change my perspective. To not think I needed an exit strategy to finally be happy. To realise that life is shit, but sometimes it's good and that's what you need to hold on to. The only problem, or reason, that I wanted to leave still, was that I didn't see you enough. I didn't see that I needed you, and that I still need you. I need to be around you to not feel so much anymore."