Obsession (vkook)

14

⚠️TW⚠️: suicide attempt—aftermath

"Taehyung!"

The world seems far away, yet right in front of him all at the same time. His vision blurs in and out of focus as he tries to understand what's happening.

"What did you do, Taehyung!?"

His voice should be loud but it's quiet compared to the sound of his blood pumping in his ears.

"Jeongguk?" Taehyung tries to says as a figure appears before him. He can't focus, he can't tell if it's him. If he finally came back.

He watches with blurry eyes as the figure desperately tries to stop the bloods spilling past the cuts on his wrists. He feels detached, like he's watching everything unfold from a place far in the back of his mind.

"Jeongguk, you came back." He tries to say, the sleeping pills causing his words to start running together already. "You came back for me."

"Of course I came back. I could never leave you."

Taehyung smiles, actually smiles at those words—eyes falling shut as he nearly lets the darkness consume him. "I knew you'd come back."

"I can't stop the blood, Taehyung. I don't know what to do. I have to call someone."

Jeongguk's panicked voice startles Taehyung's eyes open. "Don't leave me."

"I'll come back, Tae. I'll always come back."

"No, please. Don't leave me, Jeongguk. Please." Taehyung starts to cry, reaching for the blurry figure as they stand to leave the bathroom. "No, Jeongguk. Please, don't. Don't leave me. I need you."

"Stay awake, Tae. I'm gonna get you out of here. You're gonna be okay. Stay awake."

"Don't leave me..." Taehyung begs as his eyes become heavy.

"Stay awake, Taehyung. Please, you have to stay awake. Mom needs you, please. Don't close your eyes. Think of mom, she needs you."

"Mom?" Taehyung asks lethargically.

"Just a few more minutes....hang on for just a few more minutes, Taehyung.

Taehyung wants to listen to what his voice is telling him but the medication in his system is getting the best of him.

"Why'd you leave me, Jeongguk? Why'd you leave when I needed you... When I needed you...you disappeared," He says distantly. "I begged for you to come back and you never did. You just kept ignoring me."

"Don't fall asleep on me. Just a little while longer."

"You kept me close. You made me feel...like you actually cared. Like you loved me..." Taehyung continues. "...all we had was each other. And you abandoned me. Left me alone and you didn't even text me back...when I told you I'd die without you...you didn't call. Did you want me to...did you want me to kill myself, Jeongguk?"

Seokjin chokes out a broken sob as he presses another towel against Taehyung's wrist. Crying out in panic as the blood continues to soak the towels.

"Come on, Taehyung. Please, you can't die. You can't." He cries as his brother continues to slur words that made close to zero sense. "I need you to fight. I know you can."

But it didn't look like he could. It didn't look like Taehyung had anymore fight left in him as he stared off into the distance. The tears in his eyes continuing to flow as he murmured nonsense.

"I only wanted...love, Jeongguk. You knew that, didn't you?"

Seokjin's body racks with sobs when he hears those words. The only distinct sentence that he can make out of Taehyung's murmuring.

"I love you. Mom loves you, my dad loves you." The older sobs. "You are loved."

"Hyung?" Taehyung says, blinking heavily as he eyes tried to focus on Seokjin's face. "Is that you, hyung?"

"Yes. It's me, Tae. Can you hear me?" Seokjin cries, chocking out another sob as he takes Taehyung's face in his blood soaked hands. "It's Seokjin. Can you hear me?"

"Where's Jeongguk?" Taehyung asks. "Did he leave me? Did he leave again?"

"Please stay awake, Taehyung. You can't die like this," Seokjin says. "Please, stay awake."

"Why does he keep leaving, hyung? Why doesn't he love me? Why doesn't anyone love me?" Taehyung continues, tears slipping down his face. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing, Taehyung. You're loved. I love you." Seokjin stresses. "The paramedics should be getting here any second okay?"

"Jeongguk?" Taehyung asks, his eyes falling shut. "Is that...is that you?"

Seokjin cries harder as he watch Taehyung lose consciousness. "No, no. Please, god, no. Taehyung, please."

The older cries out in relief when he hears the front door of the apartment swing open. "He's in here! Please hurry, he isn't awake."

The paramedics step in immediately. Doing all they can to stabilize Taehyung before moving him to the hospital.

"You don't have to be afraid, Tae. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. Never again."

Taehyung wants to make him promise, wants him to swear he'll never leave again. Because he doesn't believe him. He believed in him once and this is where it got him.

But he can't speak. He can't hear. He can't see anything. He's just floating in the abyss with nothing to grab onto. No one to call out to and no where to run.

For a moment he thinks he's already dead. But he can't be. This isn't what death was supposed to be like. Not according to every book he's ever read or any movie he's ever seen.

Where was the bright light?

Was he going to hell?

Where was the pain?

Where was the anguish?

Was this death? Floating in an endless abyss of darkness with no fear or confusion—with no feelings at all?

Was this the thing he's feared all his life? The thing he's feared when walking home alone at night? When speeding in the rain? When walking too close to the edge of a tall building?

Or was he entering the afterlife? Where he'd see all his dead relatives and friends. Where he'd get to live for all eternity while still reliving the pain he felt before the end.

This was the end...wasn't it?

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