IMPUMELELO

Chapter 3

Its been 6 months since we started dating and he hasn't said the L word, I said it and he ignored it, I thought maybe I was a bit too early so I let it g. I said it several times and he would just kiss me no response from him.  I said it again last month and he just kissed me shutting me up because I was going to wait for him to say it but him kissing me and making love to me really made me forget it then. I think that he is not yet ready to say it, but it worries me maybe he does not love me like that he probably just likes me. Yep that's it he probably doesn't love me he sees me as a friend with benefits. How did I miss that? I need to confront him when I see him, this time none of his tricks will work on me. I will make sure he doesn't do any kissing and touching I want us to talk.

Today was Ntokozo's lobola and wow she is getting married in a few months. She finally agreed to marry the doctor. "I cant believe you are leaving me here in a few months I say to her. "I cant believe I am leaving but I am not leaving you alone you have bae who will keep you company." She says. I chuckle. "That bae doesn't even say I love you, I have tried numerous times to get him to say it but its like he is deaf when I say it. So he probably doesn't love me." I say. "There is no way he doesn't love you, have you seen the way he looks at you? Maybe he has a hard time with words that's why." She says. "I don't know I am seeing him tomorrow so we have to talk about it." I inform her. Fiso went home he is supposed be back today. Speaking of the devil he calls.

"MaZulu I am back safely, you are still coming over tomorrow right?" He asks, he sounds tired I have been missing him I haven't seen him in a week. Okay I am going there right now. Oh my brother left his car here because I bother my granddad with his car. I don't bother my grandparents they enjoyed taking me to work, so I am now driving his second car Sthembiso is a sweet heart. He was driving this car a year ago and he bought a new one recently because he got promoted at work so he gave me his Audi A3 to use for now. 

Its not that late, I will be back around 10 I hope. I will tell my grandparents that I am going to see a patient. I think its about time I have my place this thing of reporting my every move to my grandparents is tiring. They surely know I am dating its not like I am discrete about it, people have seen me at his place a few times and some are people we go to church with, they have probably told my grandmother already but because they are old I lie to them about my whereabouts.

I drive and its cold because its winter already and wow winter here was supposed to be warmer but its so cold especially at night. I park in his yard and there is another car here it's a BMW not sure which model it has a KZN plate I don't know the area but this is a KZN car. I walk in and he is standing in the kitchen cooking. I missed him I hug him from behind he freaks out and drops the plate he was holding. WTF is wrong with him. He turns and he stares at me the same way he did when we met, and he is wearing a cologne that's unlike him. "Fiso you don't even greet to show some excitement to see me." I say, I am upset. He still hasn't moved. He clears his throat. "I am sorry I wasn't expecting you." He says his voice is a bit softer than he usually talks. He has iziphandla(Goat skin) on his left hand and a fresh one. Mhh Fiso never wore these.

I look at him carefully and the mole is on his right eyebrow and he has another one on top of his upper lip. That's definitely not Fiso. If he isn't Fiso who is he? Someone clears his throat behind me and its him, I think. I am confused. He stares at the person in front of me, he shakes head. This stranger who looks like him is now laughing loudly its strange he laughs like him. "Mageba I thought you were coming tomorrow." He says. "Oh I missed you and I thought I should come see you today." I say "I see you have met Misokuhle. My twin brother." He says and the way he says twin brother its like he is tired of his brother. That explains it. He never told me he had a twin he never spoke about his family ever.

Misokuhle takes out his hand for me to shake it. I shake it "you must be Sanele?" He asks. I nod. "I almost thought my brother was dating a guy, I am relieved." He says and fake sighs and wipes imaginary sweat off his forehead. I smile and I go on to hug my man. He hugs me then kisses my forehead. "I have cooked, who is hungry?" He asks. Oh he is a happier version of Fisokuhle I see. I think maybe just maybe Fisokuhle is the grumpy twin in this case.

"Not me, I am hungry for something else so going to my room with my girlfriend." He says then smirks looking at his twin and they share some weird smile. We walk to his bedroom, he kisses me and lays me down on the bed. I am not comfortable with this. "Why didn't you tell me you have a twin?" I ask stopping our kiss. He continues kissing me he moves to my neck. "Sangweni answer me." I say then moan with pleasure. "Me telling you about my twin adds nothing to our relationship." He says wow that was rude. I get off the bed, I sit up he reads my face and he sees that I am upset.

"That's how you want it to be fine." I say and I stand up fixing my dress. He watches me. He stands up and stands at the door. "Okay I am sorry. I didn't mean to answer you like that." He says and brushes the sphandla he has on his left hand that's new. I didn't know he puts these on. I guess that's what he went home for. I stare at him and he comes back and sits next to me. "I am sorry, Misokuhle is my twin brother and he is loud and annoying." He says and that's not it. That's not what's bothering him. 

"Sangweni we both know that's not what's bothering you." I say he looks at me and shakes his head. "You remember that guy I hired to drive for me since I was going home, he crashed my taxi and its going to cost me a lot of money to fix it." He says. Yep that's it. "Do you want me to help you with it?" I ask, I know he has pride he will never ask me for anything. "No I am fine I will fix it." He says. "Let me help fix it, I am your partner I am here for that to help out in times of need." I say. "F*ck uyahlupha I said I don't need your help, what don't you understand?" He snaps damn. I am leaving I wont stay here for this he has been snapping since I came here I am not going to stay here for anymore of this.

I get out the room and Misokuhle is sitting on the couch in the living room, oh I made him buy furniture, so that I can be comfortable when I come here. Misokuhle is eating popcorns he is watching cricket. He looks at me. "Sanele join me." He invites me to the sofa. I sit next to him he offers me popcorn I take it. "I guess he just upset you the way you stormed out." He says and I nod. "Fisokuhle is one stubborn person after me, I know he can be a bit aloof and its so annoying when he is distant I am his twin I know how he can be, he just needs someone who will be patient with him." He says looking at the TV in front of us. "I know how he can be, but sometimes he is too much." I say. We both sigh, and focus on the screen. The proteas are falling behind and India is leading, the proteas have fallen off damn.

"How was he when he was younger?" I ask. "Growing up with him was fun and annoying, he wasn't always like this. You know. " He says and starts telling me their childhood stories. He is the funny one and Fiso the naughty one. I don't know when I fell asleep. I just woke in the middle of the night by my phone ringing. Where am I? I attempt to turn and I am restricted by a body next to me. I am in Fiso's room and that's him next to me. I answer my phone. "Where are you?" Ntokozo asks. "I am in Fisokuhles' house I lost track of time. Tell them I slept at a friends house." I say. "I already told them that when I noticed you weren't coming. I wanted to know if you are fine." She says. "I am fine and thank you." I say and we both hang up. He is awake already.

"Go to sleep I am sorry." I apologize and I try to sleep. "Don't worry I wasn't sleeping, I am sorry for earlier. Can we talk about it?" He says. " Its fine." I say. "I know you were trying to help but you should never worry about me, and my finances. I am more than capable of taking care of things. I don't want you to ever worry about helping me out financially." He says. "Okay, now tell me why don't you love me?" I ask and he is confused by my question. "You never say you love me when I say it why?" I ask, yep I am doing it. He looks at me like he is thinking of something to say. "Okay fine I love you." He says and its not sincere. "You don't mean it." I say looking into his eyes for something, but there is nothing behind his beautiful eyes.

"Why do you want me to o say it? I thought my actions were enough to show you how I feel. Why do you insist that I say it?" He snaps oh he does a lot of that wow. "I want to be with someone who loves me, and someone who tells me and expresses his love for me without shame or fear, I can't be with someone who doesn't love me. I don't know where I stand with you, you asked me to be your girlfriend what were your intentions huh ?" I snap also. 

He looks at me and wears his t-shirt, and sweatpants he takes some blanket from the closet. "I cant deal with youwhen you are like this." He says and he leaves. Wow I left home deal with this mxm . I try sleeping and its now hard to find some sleep. I am thinking of the man who doesn't want to say he loves me, he probably doesn't love me for real I can't keep forcing myself on him. I am fed up, I just wanted him to say it and mean it, but he snaps at me instead. He will see me when he is ready to love me if ever that happens. I will leave in the morning its clear he doesn't love me.