The Beginning Of My Ending (On Hold)

Chapter Two: The Mind

The mind is very complex.

I believe no human can ever understand how the human mind and heart works no matter what all this physiatrics, psychologist's and scientists say about the human mind and heart. One cannot explain what another feels internally and what they are thinking about and you know, that's how I felt this exact day.

So here it begins.

It was a busy night, the usual for them I guess and my friends were always doing the same thing since they started high school. Playing pool, drinking booze, smoking pot, dancing... scratch that, grinding on each other or some like Tyler, passed out on the bar table from having too much booze but on that very day I still went out, more like forced to go out.

Call it stupidity but it wasn't. It was just me not knowing how to say "no" to them, typical Arizona. 

My very same friends that were having fun and flirting with random people from our school or from other school's, which I found very dumb because you flirt and make out for one day, not even one day only a few hours and maybe do the dirty, basically and never see each other again and maybe just maybe regret it, always the case when we go out.

Maybe I should just loosen up at my age, you know have fun and be a teenager and maybe stop having silent conversations with myself and interact with the other children. 

Yep, I should definitely start doing the last past.

I just don't enjoy such things or maybe I just don't know how to enjoy such things. I'm such a bore if I say so myself. 

And now I'm here at a party hosted by Nino Làavour by the way.

Never thought I would be at one of his parties.

Who is Nino Làavour if you're asking? Well Nino is the school's party freak with chocolate brown skin, chestnut hair and has beautiful brown eyes. He stands at 6'1 and is Deputy captain of the Lacrosse team. He is known for his over the top parties and knowing how to have a great time and also for being a total ladies man.

He is also way out of my league. What I mean by that is that he falls under the list of, "the most popular, sexy, handsome and extremely rich boy's who can get any girl in our school list."

And me?

I fall under the list of, "bullied nerds who have hot, slightly popular friends who just hangout with her out of pity or just to embarrass her. Mostly Amanda's and Jordan's doing though but still she is mostly the outcast of the group, who hides from the world, whose ex left her for a better gorgeous girl who is way better than her-basically is nothing compared to her, has many problems, feels lonely, depressed and wishes she could disappear list."

And the funny thing about that... I'm the only one on that list

Not funny?

Yeah not funny.

Anyways back to the party filled with hormonal teenager's.

So I somehow passed out on the bar table that night just like Tyler but from boredom and this house was really hot, it wasn't helping my incoming headache at all.

I guess my night wasn't that bad. It was terrible, terrible I tell you, terrible because when I woke, the very first person I saw was a face I thought I would never see again and that face was sitting right across the bar looking at me.

The guy I used to be head over heels for, the guy that I would stare at all day, the guy who would make me stutter like the experienced smart idiot I am, the one that would make me blush when he smiles, even the way he talked to me made me kinky, the guy that would kiss and hold me like this is the last time we would be together, how he promised me empty promises, well I mean it was my fault for believing them in the first place, last but not least he is the same guy that broke my heart, self-respect, confidence and self-esteem and self-image, actually he hurt me to the point I couldn't even recognize myself anymore.