The Beginning Of My Ending (On Hold)

Chapter Six: Desperate and Choice's

Italy has got to be one of the most beautiful place in the world for me. It's quiet, peaceful, vibrant and magical. All I have ever wanted was to travel around the entire Italy with the love of my life.

Was that so much to ask for.

We could have seen exotic places together, gush for hour's over how beautiful the architecture is, how the building's give the city light and warmth and serenity.

Verona, Rome, Florence, Venice and many more place's I would have loved to go to with him.

Somehow I'm thankful that never happened because he would have ruined the image of Italy and all this places for me and I didn't want that at all. I didn't want the only place in this world that I love to haunt me, like all the other place's he had ruined for me.

I remember every hit he give me and every detail of each hit, I remember every scar and bruise he gave me, I remember all the foul words he would say to me, I remembered the love he would show me.

What I thought was love actually.

I never left because he made me feel accepted. I thought he would change. All my life all I have ever wanted was to be accepted, not to be neglected.

I remember all the bruises I would get from them at school. How I was once strapped to the school pole the entire day, how I was poured with purple paint on the school photo day. How they put  encouraging notes on my locker everyday, how they once poured glue on my chair, how they threw me with garbage on my birthday, ohh and how Chloe accidentally poured chemicals on my arm.

And I let them, I let them do that because I believed they would stop and they didn't.
I believed that one day they would accept me and stop the bullying.

I let them, Gale and the entire school break me, there is nothing left but a bruised, broken girl.

How I would stare in astonishment at the other girl's in my school. How they were treated normally, how they were so beautiful and flawless, how they would giggle with their friend's and talk about girl stuff.

They belonged.

And I didn't. I am just the outcast that was desperate to belong.

Guess not.

I guess we all want to feel accepted by other's. And it's very hard to understand why we would do such things to feel accepted or wanted sometimes. Some say acceptance is Key, but truth is nobody wants to feel rejected and unwanted, nobody wants to be alone, we don't wanna question ourselves and why we are like this, we want to belong and that's were desperation comes from.

Desperate to fit in, belong, to be like loved and noticed as an individual in this world.

But life has a funny way of proving you wrong.

As I stood on the balcony, over looking the scenery in front of me, my teary eyes drift over the sky, the cooled air brushing against my olive skin, staring at the blue's and the green's blend in sync. Mother Nature truly doesn't need a filter.

I can't help by think about how desperate I was to belong, to fit in, to be accepted and have friends, real friends. I filtered myself into a person I wasn't, just so that I could fit in and that backfired badly.

As Amanda once said to me.

You're ugly, unpopular, unwanted, undatable, you're uneverything Arizona, you're a Social Suicide, I swear we don't even want you here we just hangout with you because of your hot friend Xan that's all I'm mean did you–