The Beginning Of My Ending (On Hold)

Chapter Eleven: What A Way To Start A Week

Tuesday.

The day after Monday and also the day I made my first friend after so many years of being alone.

Monday was usual a day where I would wake up and look forward to Another Week At Hades. Enjoy the company of my peers and painfully wait for the weekend to come. When the weekend would finally come, I stay home like the good little outcast I am. Stay in my plain void bedroom all day, sleep and go to my imaginary world where I feel safe and  interact with the people I created in my head.

Sounds crazy but I don't care as long as I am safe from all the bruises, pain and tears the week has caused me, while my peers on the weekend go to parties, school lacrosse, hockey or soccer matches. I suffer from loneliness day after day– as if that wasn't an everyday thing though. The only time I go out is when Amanda invites me to this sport events or regular events but only if  Xan comes along. The sad part is that at the end of the day it's hard to admit that they only use me to get to Xan.

But what can I say, this is my usual everyday life. Being used, beaten, insulted, pranked, an easy routine you know. Sometimes they just ignore me though.

But yesterday, yesterday was the first time  I actual got noticed and not in a good way. I spent the entire day getting death glares from the other girls, even Amanda herself gave me one but I didn't receive the daily dose I usual receive from them. Huh, I guess Valentino's statement really did shocked the female population. His girlfriend. Why would anyone in their right mind risk their entire social life that.

What a way to start the week.

Besides the events of the previous day being a history maker, it wasn't really a bad day I guess. Maybe it's because it was also the first time I actual forgot about everything, I wasn't The Outcast, I felt like someone, someone that I hated but longed for. I let my guard down around a person who could leave me when he realises that I'm really just an outcast. The few hours we spent being out and free. To me it made such a big difference even though to other people it was normal for them. It was scary for me because never have I except for to wake up on a Monday morning and experience that. I feel like I woke in a dream.

But today I woke and realised I wasn't dreaming, it legit happened and today was a different today. Today I actually woke up and was actually ready to go to school. I woke up with no tears on my face, I feel like I woke up a different person today.

Valentino somehow occupied my mind all night which surprised me as I kept wondering why he stood up for me, how he took me out and actual wanted to be my friend despite the fact that I told him I don't know how to be a friend, how we drove around the busy night of Catania. The flashing lights of the city all around us as he drove at a very high speed. We talked as if we were old friends, somehow everything felt right but at the same time temporary. A heavy sigh leaves my mouth, already tired and drained from my own thoughts I spent the entire early dawn till morning replaying everything and each time surprising myself.

Buttoning up my shirt while rechecking Henry's assignment and all the extra homework I had. Double checking  everything again, packing my books for today's classes and making sure I look good enough to step out of the house. I wonder why keep doing that it's not like I'm beautiful anyway.  I pull out my oversized jersey from my closet and wear it over my shirt. I walk over to my unmade bed and sit on the edge of it and stare at my reflection through the mirror that sits on the other side of the spacious room.

The kids in my school have always made this one of the reasons to make fun of how I look and how I dress which doesn't make sense to me because I mean we all wear the same uniform, but it seems as if it's how you wear your uniform you know the sexy in uniform look. Come to school dressed as if you going to a school photoshoot. Preston Magazine, I bet Abigail can make that happen. I've always wondered why you dress up to go to school, I mean you're going there to learn, maybe I'll never understand. I don't bother even trying to look beautiful, I'm tired of being body shamed so I make sure my uniform and all my clothes are either baggy or they emphasise nothing, "you look beautiful being ugly", Jordan once said to me and I guess it's how I'm suppose to look, ugly. But I'm not that bad if I say so myself I just don't have the guts to admit that at times I do feel beautiful but those times are rare. I don't wanna think about such things so early in the morning but what can I do, I've got a busy mind and an empty soul.

I look at the note written next to my mirror,

Just hold on Arizona just hold on.

My daily motivation, just hold on. I look at the girl looking right at me through the mirror me. I wish I could laugh at the broken girl but then I realise that girl is me. I lay back on the bed, the plain ceiling in my view, which I usual stare at the clear my mind. Somehow it works staring at one thing for a long time until you drift off to nothingness. I look at the clock by the nightstand. Quarter-past seven, school starts at eight.

Valentino said he would pick me up. I guess friends do that for each other. I shouldn't doubt his promise but it feels to good to be true. I have no idea why I keep believing that maybe he would come. I mean I've only known him for one day and it's totally ohk to doubt Arizona. I can't just let him in, I don't know why he would pick me up anyway. It was the start of school at he just appeared.

A loud beep from outside the house snaps me out of my thoughts. I stumble out of my bed, tripping on my bag but catching myself  luckily. I peep through the curtains and a sigh of relief leaves my mouth as soon as I see the black Bentley by the gate.

He kept his promise and came to pick me up. From all the treatment I get at school. I expected him to ditch me but his here. I'm really–

*Beep*

I move away from my window, soothing my jersey and beige slacks and grab my school bag, slipping my blazer over my jersey, grab my keys and open the gate all while rushing to the door. Leaving everything as it is, don't wanna keep him waiting.

Don't blow it Arizona it's your only chance of having a real friend.

I reach the front door in record time, breathing heavily from basically running down the stairs, surprised I didn't fall. Stepping out of the house, the cold morning air calming my nerves in a way. I lock the door, my fingers shaking as I do so.

"Calm down Arizona." I mutter to myself.

I walk down the stairs slowly, towards the Bentley parked by the driveway. I open the passenger door and hop in and close the door soon as I'm seated.

"Morning Arizona." Valentino smiles, his smile send goosebumps in my stomach...wait, is it butterflies in my stomach.

"Morning Valentino." I say calmly, no stutters. One point for keeping it cool. Valentino starts driving away from the house the only sound is of the engine and my racing heartbeat.

"Erm, so Val, you gonna introduce us to your lady friend over here?"

I stiffen in my seat, slowly turning to face the voice of the other passenger.

Or should I say passengers.

Three guys sit in the back, all three in which are staring at me weirdly and as for me I don't know.