Loving You Out Loud: JJK

Chapter 22

Jungkooks POV

As usual, She didn't hesitate to pick off my plate. But I could never bring myself to be mad at her, especially when she does that silly little dance whenever she finds something delicious.
Ugh, what am I gonna do with myself how can I be so head over heals? She's too cute. Throughout our breakfast date, I had to resist the casual intimate touches that have become second nature throughout our time being together.

"How about we skip the park?" I looked around, making sure the coast was clear, before placing my hand on top of hers.

Her face seemed to sag in disappointment. "What, why? It's such a pretty day." Her lip poked out slightly and her shoulder slumped downward.

I looked down at our joined hands and ran my thumb across the back of her soft chubby hands "I just want to spend time with you without feeling like there are a million people staring at us. I hate not being able to act the way I usually do when we are together. I want to hold you and kiss you freely." I looked up to see my love's glistening eyes and I knew, without a doubt, I had said something I shouldn't have.

It hadn't occurred to me how selfish my thought process had been, just moments ago. This is a really important day for us, our first time being able to go out in broad daylight and a have a meal together and I'm asking to cut it short?

What is actually wrong with me?

Maybe- maybe I'm scared that this will burst our happy bubble, there's a lot going on and if too much changes too fast she'll get overwhelmed and leave me, or maybe all of this will change her. I'm just now seeing the women I love return to the happy vibrant, confident women she used to be before I came into her life. Shit, am I toxic! fuck! What should I do? I can't let her go; but how can I love her and not do what's best for her. Can I just be selfish this one time? I didn't know happiness like this could exist before I met her. I just need everything to slow down. My heart is beating through my ears and I can't breathe.
Y/n's POV
The table sat in silence for a moment "you're right we can-" I look up and see Jungkook's eyes widen and I noticed he's taking shallow breathes. I set my hand on his and run my thumb across the back of his wrist.

"Baby it's okay just breathe." I whispered so not to be discovered by the people around us. "It's okay, you're okay. Remember, smell the daisy's and blow out the candle"

His hand tightened around mine and he closed his eyes. I think it's getting worse. I tighten my grip on his hand and say, my voice firm "jungkook look at me"

His eyes opened with reluctance and he looked into my eyes "You're okay! Now breathe with me."

I suck in a breathe and release over and over again until he's calm. Tears role down his cheek as he catches his breath once again.

I shouldn't have put this much pressure on him. His career means so much to him and he's risking that. How can I be so selfish? Maybe this was too much for him. I don't want to make him feel any more anxious
than he already is. Yeah, it's nice to do the simple things like go for coffee together, but it's not worth it if it causes him this much stress.

For now, we can love each other behind closed doors. There's no use in loving each other out loud if it ruins us. Atleast now, I can go with him when he goes on tour; we won't have to spend weeks apart from each other. And you never know maybe in the future, perhaps years from now when Jungkook retires we can get married and adopt or if I'm still able to, we can have children of our own.

I ran my hand across his finger "Why don't we go home and play some video games baby?" That more of our speed.

Author's Note:
They're not perfect but they definitely love each other.

Do you think they're toxic for each other?

-Yes
-No