Loving You Out Loud: JJK

Chapter 41

Y/n Pov

As soon as we got home, Jungkook tucked Kit into bed for her nap. Meanwhile I sat on our little white couch, trying to ignore my innermost thoughts. For the first time in a long time I found myself thinking badly about myself. I couldn't help but feel ugly in that moment, nor could I keep myself from comparing my body to the woman who so boldly staked her claim to the man I loved. She was slightly taller than me, athletically inclined, with long flowing blonde hair and fair skin, everything a Korean man wants in a woman. Then there was me, the complete opposite,the antithesis of the Korean beauty standards.

I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapped my hands around myself and laid my forehead on my knees as I continued to tear down the bit of self confidence that took me so long to build. If I'm being honest, a part of me was also disappointed in the disdain and malice i projected onto my own body, especially after joyously celebrating it for so long; but I just could muster up the strength to love myself in this moment.

I don't know when I started crying. I can't tell you when my cries turned into sobs or when those sobs turned into feeling as if an elephant was sitting on my chest, slowly suffocating me. But I can tell you how it felt when he wrapped me in his tender therapeutic embrace. When the scent of his skin lulled me away from the throws of anxiety induced hyperventilation, how the steady thump of his heart calmed that of my own and how the feel of his finger tips soothingly trailing across my skin grounded me back to reality.

We sat in silence for a while. Jungkook was giving me the space and time that I needed to mentally unpack my feelings, before it was time for me to verbalize them. When I felt calm enough I propped my chin upon his chest to look up at him and finally spoke.

"For a while, I forgot what it was like to be with someone who had every option in the world. I-I.. i don't know. I know I acted like what happened earlier didn't bother me; as much as I hate to admit,it it did. I just felt myself reverting back to this sad anxious self conscious girl that I was always so ashamed to be. What sucks the most is that I that I thought I had left that girl in the past..." I continued thinking out loud, uttering every word that crossed my mind " I don't know... I feel like all of the progress I made just disappeared in a matter of minutes."

"No baby. You have come such a long way. I don't want you to think that this somehow negates the strong beautiful independent woman you have become. Insecurities are natural and everyone has there moments. It's how you learn to cope with them and love yourself in spite of them that is most important." Lazily his fingers continued to rake through my coils, leaving the room in a thoughtful silence until he spoke again. "I also have to take responsibility for what happened. I should have said something. I guess I was just in shock. But I want you to know that you are the love of my life and the only person that I will ever give my love my affection and my body to ever again. I'm yours. Yours only"

I felt hands tangle in my damp tresses. Instinctively a moan slipped from my lips. I cuddled into Jungkook's hands and allowed myself to feel comfort in his touch.