I've Broken Bones For You

Chapter 14

Okay so these next two chapters I decided to merge into one chapter, but are labeled as two different ones (chp. 14 and 15). So they're both going to be pretty short chapters, but think of them as one big one.

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Chapter 14

After I had talked to Jenna, which was really nice, we both went back to Jaime's. When we got back, I noticed that Jaime seemed to be doing a lot better. I guess telling people helps.

Now, all three of us, are sitting in the living room. We've just been chatting and talking, but now the conversation has died down and everything is quiet. I don't mind the empty silence, because it really isn't all that empty. It's not awkward or anything at all. It's just... Quiet.

Jaime and Jenna are both sitting on the couch, Jenna with her head resting on Jaime's shoulder. To think that they started dating because of prom is amazing, because usually those relationships don't last. They're going to be having a baby. A fucking baby. Now if that isn't a lasting realtionship, then I don't know what is.

Sitting here thinking about relationships is making me think about my relationship. It's an awfully confusing one, that's for sure. I don't remember if we ever officially said that we're a legit thing now. I know we are, but sometimes I sit there and question it. Kellin has been acting a lot different lately, so it's hard for me to tell for sure how he's feeling about things. It's like my boyfriend is a completely different person and we never broke up in the first place. I know that he's still Kellin, but he's a different Kellin. I still see the same Kellin I first met in him from time to time, but that's rare. He changed.

But who am I kidding, so did I. Maybe not as much, but I did as well and I can't complain about Kellin being different when I am too. It's just hard to figure out how your relationship is moving when you both aren't clear with what's going on. I'm pretty much 100% sure we're back together officially though.

I'm so confused.

I sigh, checking the time. I should probably stop thinking about this, I'll just get myself worked up over it. There's no point in doing that. I need to let this happen however it will.

I decide that I should proably get going. The two of them are going to want to talk about things, and it's best if I leave them alone to do that. I don't want to take up space and be the awkward third wheel.

"Hey, I'm going to get going. Congratulations and everything." I tell the both of them before getting up and turning to leave. They both say thank you at the same time and I leave a little more quickly than normal just so I can give them more time to theirselves.

I walk to my car and get in, playing some loud music and driving back home. It's been a long day and I should probably call Kellin and make up for ditching him without much of an explanation.

Once I get to my house, I immediately take my phone out of my pocket and find Kellin's contact number. As I'm opening the door, I call him and wait for an answer, listening to the endless drone of the robotic ring.

I don't get an answer.

Okay, that's okay, maybe he's just busy. Maybe he's with Matty and he's too occupied to answer or he left his phone at Matty's place. Everything is fine. Nothing is going on. I'm not panicking.

I lock the door behind me and kick off my shoes. No one is home and it's awfully silent, so I go into my room, shut the door, switch on all the lights and turn on some music. I'm practically praying for Kellin to call back, but the longer I wait, the more on edge I get.

This is Kellin we're talking about. The Kellin that showed up at my house a complete mess, a hollowed out husk. He was so depressed, and he still is, though he's improving. But I know what it's like to be stuck in what seems to be a never ending whirl wind of pain and emotion, with no hope of ever getting out. I know what it's like better than most, so it's normal for me to start panicking. You never know if he's trying to end it or not. There's no way of finding out, because he would have cut off all contact with anyone and everybody, just so he could have time and space to die.

So of course I'm worrying and panicking, of course I'm staring at this phone willing it to ring when I know it won't. He could be anywhere right now, on the verge of death or not. Anything could be happening right now, and I'll never know.

I wait a little longer, but there's still no call. I could be waiting for days and still not know. Maybe I'm overthinking this. Maybe this is all just a misunderstanding. Maybe nothing is happening at all and he's just sleeping. Maybe he's in the shower.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe.

That's too many excuses, and none of them are making me feel any better. I'm almost getting more stressed by the second thinking up things he could be doing. If he hadn't been depressed, I wouldn't be caring this much. I'd probably shrug and go about my day, waiting for him to call whenever he got the time. But now, at this point in life, of course I'm stressing out and worrying. He's not okay, not all the time, maybe not ever anymore, so you never know.

I take a deep breath, trying to think rationally. What's the best thing I can do right now to reassure myself that he is in fact okay? Who's the only other person he goes to?

Matty.

I pick up my phone, searching for his contact. He gave me his phone number just in case things like this happen. He's actually a really cool guy, though I don't talk to him all that much. But I'm glad Kellin has a friend like him.

I call Matty, letting the phone ring. I know that he'll pick up, I just know it. You can't have two people not picking up in a row.

Finally, Matty answers, "Hello?"

"Hey Matty, it's Vic. Which you probably already know." I say, which I think is a ridiculous way to start a conversation but I'm panicking here.

"Yeah, caller ID." Matty confirms. "What's up?"

I take a deep breath, jumping right into it, "Kellin isn't answering his phone and he's not here, so I was wondering if you know where he is?"

Matty is quiet for a second before saying, "He's not here Vic. I don't know where he is."

I knew it. I knew that he's gone missing and that there's no way to find him. I have a feeling this is on purpose; why wouldn't it be? My heart plummets in my chest and my head is filled with the sound of screaming sirens. This isn't good.

"Vic, are you there?" Matty asks, making sure that I haven't dropped the phone and gone into panic mode. I'm almost there though. Flip a switch and I'll be hyperventilating soon.

"Mhm hm, I'm here." I say, but my voice is shaky. I take a deep breath and then add, "Why does this always happen?" I want to know why it always seems to come back to this. Everything is fine and then he goes missing. I know that he isn't mentally doing well, but why is he always running? I don't think I'll get the answers from Matty.

"I don't know, Vic. But I'm sure he'll be okay." Something about that sentence pisses me off, but I know Matty is just trying to be supportive. He doesn't know me well, but he knows me well enough to know that I care about Kellin. A lot.

"I need to find him." I state.

"Yeah, but how?" Matty asks me, and I almost forgot that he was even there for a moment.

"Do you have anything on your phone that you can use to find his phone? That is, if he has it on him." I say, now on a mission. I'm already putting my shoes back on.

"I can get something." Matty suggests and I wait for him to get an app. "Got it! Okay, so I'll just type in his phone number..." Matty gets to work on the finding of Kellin's phone and I walk outside, getting in the car.

"Anything?" I ask.

"It's searching." Matty tells me.

I wait patiently, taking slow, deep breaths in order to calm myself. I need to stay calm if I'm going to find him. He can't see me panicking this much. That won't help anything.

Beat.

"Found him!" Matty practically yells into the phone, sounding as relieved as I am.

"So," I start, "Where is he?"