I've Broken Bones For You

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Kellin's P.O.V.

Matty is sitting across from me, holding a cup of Starbucks. He wanted to meet up in public, which I can fully respect. I was an ass to him and in this state, I'm unpredictable; it's better be out where there's people than to be somewhere where there isn't.

I rehearsed the things I'm going to say to him, over and over again, but now that I'm sitting here with him, I can't remember them. It's like I'm an actor who memorized all their lines, but once they hit the stage, they cave under the pressure and have to improvise. Seeing that he's-was-my best friend, it makes it 100 times harder. 

I pick at my lemon cake, feeling my appetite begin to ebb away. We're sitting in complete silence, and that's not how I pictured this meeting to go. I wanted to tell him, tell him everything, and apologize for everything. I want things to go back to normal, but at this rate, I don't think anything will. Normal is such a foreign concept now; I've changed too much. Everything that happened between the span of these six months has killed the old me and replaced him with... this. 

"So, are you going to say something, or...?" Matty's voice cuts through the silence, and I look up at him. He's wearing his signature sunglasses, which makes it hard for me to read his expression. 

"Right, sorry." I say, sitting up a little straighter. 

"Look Kellin, if you're not ready to talk to me, then I can wait a little longer." Matty suggests, but I quickly shake my head. It's about time I faced the problem and acted mature. I've waited too long for the 'right time' and I don't want to wait any longer. 

"No Matty, I know that I'm ready." I tell him firmly. I'm feeling a little more confident now, and I have no idea where it came from.

Matty nods, waiting for me to continue, taking a sip of his Starbucks. I sort through things in my head quickly, making tiny sections in my brain for the things that are the most important to say, and the things that will come after.

"I'm really sorry for what happened," I start off, "I know I had no right to be that way."

Matty stops me from going on, "You were drunk and hurt. I can overlook that."

"No, you can't. Just because I was drunk doesn't mean I wasn't sober somewhere in my head." I tell him, "Everything was a mess. I still loved Vic, I used Alex and I thought if I hurt someone else, then I didn't need to stay here anymore. I've seen so much pain in life, and I've felt so much and ignored it for the sake of others. This time, I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted people to know, so I acted out. That's wrong and it shouldn't be overlooked. I need you to understand that I'm stupid and make stupid choices, but I didn't want to... I did, but I really didn't mean to. I was blind to the consequences and I'm sorry." 

 Matty opens his mouth, then closes it again. He taps his fingers on the table, considering his words. I wait.

Finally, he says, "I forgive you."

"W-what? Why, I was an asshole. I still am." I didn't expect him to take two seconds to think about it then forgive me that easily. No one would ever do that, especially for someone like me.

"Kellin, we're best friends. I understand that what you did was wrong, but part of it was my fault too. I overreacted. I hurt you in turn. I never meant that, but I was freaking out. Things like that never happen to me." Matty scratches the back of his head, "I was raised to be as open and forgiving as possible, and I guess I forgot that. But now that I've heard the full side of the story, I can come to terms with my mistakes and acknowledge yours in forgiveness."