Ultimate's Book Of Thoughts (Ranting Book)

random 4

eyo

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i'm halfway through editing pain and honestly it's just so much easier

i had to almost rewrite entire CHAPTERS of insanity because of the inconsistencies but from pain onward i started actually getting decent at writing so there's less to fix

paranoia didn't need much editing either, just fixed inconsistent stuff and added even more self-loathing and gay

worthy needed some editing, but it's a story that i actually kind of enjoy so i didn't mind

and i didn't even try to edit fury. i only even keep it up here because it has a lot of plot stuff that's important to the later fanfictions

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i'm supposed to be adding to my original story, and i feel guilty for not updating it cause

idk i just really like the premise

the problem is, i'm just at that stage where i've written some of it but how stuff is playing out is awkward and I'm not sure how to fix it

and i dont like asking people to help w my stories because they usually miss the entire point and just edit grammar/inconsistencies on the first draft,,, it just annoys me because when i want help with the plot i want help w the plot not the grammar

i can always fix the grammar later but there'll be nothing to fix if i can't write the plot yk

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missed my writing workshop class. i always forget about it and i feel trashy because of it

like i should have something right

i should be able to remember i wrote it down and everything

i just get so absorbed in my work and my drawing that everything else fades away

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bought a phone case its pretty nice

i spent only 100 bucks on my new phone so im trying not to buy a buncha accessories for it,, i dont usually spend more than $15 at a time if i can help it

i mean besides my phone bill and Zoom bill but like,, other than that

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my new haircut makes me... idk. it makes me feel like me

i look in the mirror and i kind of look masc?? like??? apparently that's possible for me which i didn't know

i put hoodies on too

my mom bought me two big hoodies for christmas, they're big and mens-section so they're super baggy on me and hide my chesticles which is nice

i finally feel like,, idk like i can present how i want

which is a feeling im not accustomed to

my mom always kind of suggested that i wouldn't be nbi if i didn't have the internet but

i mean it's true i wouldn't know about it but

i just wouldn't know the term for it. id still feel the same way but feel like i was just wrong and forced to be someone i wasnt

not a lot of people get that

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my discord name in the acrylicat server is mcdonalds lawsuit and ive been waiting for people to notice but no one has pointed it out yet

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my dad and bro never use my name but my mom is actually trying

yesterday she got me and my bro one of those chocolate letters, and she got me an N, for Noah

it sucks being misgendered and deadnamed all the time but the fact that she does those little things just to make me happy, it's more than i could hope for

it's sometimes one of the only things keeping me happy besides my friends

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anyways my moms home so i gotta go bye

-Ultimate