Ultimate's Book Of Thoughts (Ranting Book)

school

here i am

back again

to vent where no one hears

so besides the fact that i have to start learning to drive, an absolutely terrible thing that i do not like, and besides the fact that my family still won't use my pronouns and barely ever calls me by my name

school was supposed to be the one simple thing in my life. it was like, you do it for an hour each day and you're done. not too hard and you know the things you're doing will help you in the future

and of course all that got thrown out the window once we did cyber school again. i just passed orientation and now i realized that there is nothing simple anymore.

everything has to give me stress, apparently, because my mom decided i was too happy with where i was at.

i know that's unfair. she says she's putting us in this cyber school because we "weren't doing enough" and i won't be able to choose my career if i dont go to college or some crap like that

at first it seemed like i had a choice but now apparently i dont. im going to have to go to college and do whatever random stuff that i wont use, and have to struggle with money and debt like literally every other young adult.

just so that i can have more career options.

but that's just in the long run. right now i was assigned classes like astronomy and geometry and crap. which i can deal with.

but i also get Drawing. they have a stupid fcking drawing class that I DO NOT WANT.

all my life, if i've improved in my drawing i've done it myself. the only things that the many classes ive had have offered me is random multi-media stuff that never goes anywhere and this will not be any different

and if thats not enough, i also have to do summer school. in a time when i would normally be absolutely fine relaxing, i have to do two more classes throughout two thirds of the entire thing.

so six classes that are already going to be stressful enough, plus when i'm supposed to be able to take a break, i cant.

and do not try to tell me that my classes will be fine and ill get used to them. i am tired of hearing that.

i know from experience the kind of classes you get in cyber school. i got a sneak peek of what we would be doing. i know what art class is actually like, i've taken four of them.

i am so fcking tired of not having control over my own future. it's all being decided for me and i cannot do anything to stop it. i just have to suffer through and pretend i'm happy.

some people say "oh just tell your mom you're struggling and she-"

no.

i already expressed my extreme distaste for this and she won't do anything. she says she knew i would be really stressed and annoyed about this choice but that she was doing it anyway.

there is nothing i can do

except vent on a platform that i dont use anymore

screaming at no one about how annoyed i am

the only people that actually make me happy most of the time are my friends on Discord.

not my family

they mention how much time i spend on the computer and i'm just thinking in my head "well, when people i don't know on the internet are nicer and more considerate of my feelings than all of you, maybe you're doing something wrong"

whatever

i dont have the energy to be mad anymore

im just exhausted