Seoul Lights | Bangchan

25 ; Bestfriend

I walked home, the sun already starting to set. Jisoo already went home, since she was already tired and still had to do a few home errands, so she had to go early. Lately, I couldn't help but diverge myself into my thoughts, and it hasn't been exactly all good thoughts. It's been tearing my mind apart.

I kept my head busy, thinking of Chan. I don't know what I got myself into. How could I fall like this? The fear suddenly sets in. I forgot how scary a relationship is. How difficult things would be again.

But God, I feel so vulnerable.

It's terrifying. It's terrifyingly beautiful. These feelings, if only I had the ability to throw them away, I would. But I keep thinking back to how Chan makes me feel like this. Feel these growing emotions and thrilling sensations of romance, it makes me want to fall even deeper for him.

But it's difficult to date someone who's incredibly busy most of the time and has his job revolving around competition and the elites. And to top it off, he sometimes can get really confusing. One moment he can be such a kid and the next, a whole other man who can make people bow down to him because he's all that.

The guy can turn from a little kid who would cry to me if I didn't give him a little hug then suddenly turn to this dictator around the office, giving everyone sharp glares if he sees a slight mistake in their work. And it's crazy how he can be both at the two ends of the spectrum.

God, I really need someone's help on this.

"Oi." Jaebum pulled on the ends of my hair, as he walked alongside me.

"Ow--What the hell, Bum!" I grit my teeth and almost hit him in the back of the head then and there.

"Don't get mad at me like that when you're about to cross the street with a red light on." He defended himself. "Well, sorry, but I just have a lot of things on my mind right now!" I crossed my arms, making Jaebum snort. "When do you not have something in your mind?"

"I'm not in the mood." I glared at him, as he puts up both his hands in a defensive manner.

"Okay, okay! What's up, let's take it to the car." He grabbed my wrist and led me to his car that was just on the sidewalk and let me sit in the front seat. The silence was deafening as he started to drive and he didn't utter a word.

He knew that I needed some time to think for myself, and I really appreciate him for that. After a moment of silence, I sighed. He noticed the gloomy mood I had and spoke up.

"What's it about? Do you wanna talk about it?" He sneaked a glance from time to time, making me want to tear up. How could I get my heart into this mess and how did I allow it? Especially when I'm still not stable with everything?

I didn't realize how long I've suppressed all these built up feelings inside me. And it was gnawing my heart alive.

"I don't know what to do, Bum." I hug my knees, my words already starting to shake.