Holding C.H

Part 7

All four of the boys are sprawled out on the two couches in Luke's living room.
Ashton has his head in Calums lap, and Calum gently runs his long fingers through his curls.
Michael has his eyes on Calum and just yearns for a moment where he can speak to the brunette in private but it's like Calum purposely stays close to Ashton, avoiding Michael at all costs.
Luke is confused by the tension in the room but he doesn't want to say anything, not wanting to start up a fight when they just got together again.
Eventually Ashton gets up from his position in Calums lap after the alarm on his phone went off.
Calum exchanges a look with his boyfriend and they walk into the kitchen, leaving Luke and Michael in the living room, clueless.
Ashton's cheeks are burning when Calum  gently places a hand on his biceps.
"It's fine Ash, they know you are recovering", Calum tries to calm his, obviously shaken, boyfriend.
He knows that Ashton dosen't like to eat in front of anyone else but Calum and that he is having an internal battle.
"Can you tell them?", Ashtons voice sounds too quiet and small for his appearance, like a small child begging his mother to protect him.
Calum nods, willing to do anything that would calm his boyfriend at least for a little while.
Ashton silenty cuts up the red apple that he brought into pieces and Calum walks back into the living room.
Michael and Luke are talking in hushed voices and immediately stop when they see Calum walk in, feeling caught.
"He isn't ready to eat in front of you guys yet, he's sorry for that", Calum explains and again there is an awkward tension in the room.
All Calum wants right now is a drink, or two.
"It's okay", Luke mumbles but it is clear to hear that he is hurt by this. Ashton has always been like his older brother, a protector and now he can't even have a meal with him.
Michael places a hand on Lukes bouncing knee and Calum trots back into the kitchen, sitting at the table with Ashton who is not eating.
"Ash please", Calum whines he really needs Ashton to eat, to function today.
Otherwise Calum will blow up, he is moody and tired, drained of energy and Michaels eyes on him only add to the uncomfortable feelings in his mind.
"I can't Cal, please don't make me eat this now", Ashton begs, pushing the small bowl across the table to where Calum is sitting.
His hazel eyes are filled with fear and  Calum hates himself for every word he speaks after he opens his mouth.
"For gods sake Ashton just eat the damn apple, it won't make you gain weight and you will be fucking fine, don't test me today"
His voice was louder than he intended it to be and Ashton flinches.
Luke and Michael rush to the kitchen after hearing Calum yell and Luke kneels down next to Ashton's chair, seeing the brunettes glossy eyes and the feared expression on his face.
Michael gives Calum a disapproving look and grabs his arm rather roughly, he didn't mean to hurt Calum but he needs to get him away from Ashton.
"What the fuck?", Michael curses when he had dragged his friend out of the house, now they are standing in Lukes backyard, unable to be heard by their two friends in the house.
"You said you were taking care of him, what the hell are you doing Calum?", Michael continues to yell but Calum dosen't react, he dosen't know what to say.
He is taking care of Ashton, that's all he ever does, take care of the man he loves more than anything else.
When Michael is done yelling, Calum looks up from his dirty converse and their eyes meet, immediately Michael feels an overwhelming sense of guilt.
Calum looks broken.
"You need help", Michael states, this time his voice is soft and full of love, he hates himself for not noticing that Calum was struggling.
"I don't", Calum fires back at him but his voice dosen't hold any kind of force, he is too tired to fight with Michael and he really needs a drink or a cigarette.
"Yes you do, both of you do".
Deep inside of him, Calum knows that Michael is right but he is too stubborn to admit it, he is terrified to lose Ashton, that they would send him away to a mental hospital and Ashton would hate Calum because he had failed him.
"I failed Ash", Calum sadly mumbles before he feels the tears burning in his eyes, he is so done with everything.
Michael notices that Calum is close to tears so he gently pulls him into a hug and eventually he relaxes under his friends loving touch.
"You didn't fail him Cal, you just need a little help and space from him", Michael explains and gently guides the brunette boy back inside where Luke and Ashton are sitting on the couch again.
Ashton has tear stains on his cheeks and his eyes are rimmed red from wiping them too hard.
"You two need space", Michael announces and to his surprise neither Cal nor Ash complain.
The couple doesn't even look at each other, both of them are too afraid.
Calum feels like he had failed Ashton and Ashton feels guilty for making Calum so upset.
"Cal, you are coming to stay with me and Crystal for a while, she won't have a problem with that", Michael continues to speak and Luke nods.
"Yeah, and Ash is staying here with me and Sierra, we'd love to have you here".
Eventually they bid their goodbyes, Calum and Ashton still ignore the other and Michael walks Calum out to his car.
While they drive to Michaels house Calum becomes uneasy and suddenly jumps.
"Ashton has a meal plan, he needs to follow it, he can't eat without me", he exclaims with panic in his eyes.
After Michael pulled the car over he faces Calum "Cal it's gonna be okay, Luke knows that Ash needs extra care, and if anything happens, he knows that he needs to call you"
Sadly Calum slumps back in his seat, his tiredness now taking over him.
"Okay", he whispers when Michael starts driving again.
Both broken boys are unable to think of anything else than the other, even though they know that being apart for a while is the best thing to handle the situation right now.