Holding C.H

Part 9

Calum watches as Michael pours down the two bottles of clear liquor down the drain of the kirchen sink.
His mind wants to grab Michaels arm and force him to stop, down the bottle of vodka instead of wasting it.
But Calum doesn't move, he is frozen in place and waits for Michael to finish.
"You don't need alcohol to function", Michael says and everything in Calum screams that he does, alcohol helped him survive the days.
Crystal had placed a written note on his bedside table, a phone number of a therapist and the adress for an alcoholics anonymous meeting that takes places every wednesday night.
Calums initial reaction was anger, he dosen't want to go to a stupid AA meeting or see a therapist but then he thought of Ashton, how much Calum yearns to finally hold Ashton again.
So he agreed to go, to do anything to be able to be with Ashton again.
He is worried, what if he is struggling to eat, what if he needs Calum to hold him at night so that he can fall asleep?
Michael throws the empty bottles into the trashcan and motions for Calum to sit down at the table with him.
They silently sip on their coffee, it tastes foreign to Calum and then he realises, he can't recall the time he simply had a coffee without some kind of alcohol spiking it.
Maybe his drinking problem is bigger than he thought it was.
"I don't feel too good", Calum mumbles suddenly and presses a hand to his forehead.
He has a pounding headache and he feels nauseous.
"Probably withdrawal from the alcohol Cal", Michael mentions and if he wouldn't feel so bad, Calum would have laughed, of course he would get withdrawal symptoms from his alcohol abuse.
In the timespan of only a few minutes Calum feels worse than he ever did before
sweat is running down his temples and he is shaking, holding on to Michael as he guides him into the bathroom.
He clutches the sides of the toilet so hard that his knuckles turn white and tears cloud his vision.
Michael rubs the sick boys back in comfort and Crystal promises to bring some medicine for his nausea and the headache.
Calum is so weak that after the short walk back to the guestroom he feels like he just ran a marathon.
"Can we do something else for you", Crystal asks quietly after she helped him take some medicin and closed the blinds so the sun wouldn't bother his head too much.
"Ashton", Calum whimpers in pain and tears spill from his eyes.
He hates how weak he is but it's all he wants, he wants Ashton to hold him and dry his tears not Crystal or Michael.
It breaks Crystal's heart to see Calum so desperate, begging for his boyfriend.
She leaves the room and collides with Michael who sees the sad expression on her face and immediately cups her face.
"He want's Ashton", she mumbles and Michael sighs.
Of course all Calum wants is his boyfriend, anyone would want their loved one to hold them in their moments of pain and struggle.
"Maybe we should get him?", Michael suggests and Crystal nods, hesitantly.
The couple isn't sure if Ashton can handle seeing Calum like this but when they hear the brunettes muffled sobs from the other side of the door they know that they have to do something.
Michael leaves Crystal to console Calum while he makes the short drive to Luke's house, asking Ashton to come back with him.
Calum can't stop shaking or sobbing, he hates it.
He hates how he is so fragile, he hates the pity in Crystals pretty eyes and the fact that his tears won't stop streaming down his heated cheeks.
Tenderly Crystal strokes his hair and even though it feels nice he wants Ashtons hands to comb trough his messy curls.
He drifts off into a short and dreamless nap, waking when he hears soft voices talking in his room.
"Hey Cal, it's me Baby".
Ashton has tears in his eyes when he sees his boyfriend buried under the duvet, a pained expression on his beautiful face.
"Ash", Calum croaks and sits up reaching his arms out to touch Ashton but pulling them back instantly.
He doesn't want to push Ashton into forgiving him.
"It's okay", Ashton whispers softly and climbs under the covers, wrapping his arms around Calum.
Michael and Crystal leave the room when they hear Calum sob again.
"I am so sorry Ashton, I never wanted this to happen", Calums emotions are running wild and he dosen't know how to control them.
"I'm sorry too, it's not your fault", Ashton doesn't want Calum to take the blame, he just wants him to be happy.
The couple holds each other close, both men are silently crying.
Their salty tears are dripping on their interwined hands.
Calum hears Ashtons beating heart and feels the warmth of his skin and that is all he needs in life.
Ashton feels Calums soft curls on his own, tear stained cheek and tastes the salt from his tears on his lips when they kiss and that is all that he needs in life.
Silent promises are made when they lock eyes.
Promises about not keeping any more secrets that could possibly drive them apart.
"I'm okay when you are holding me", Calum mumbles into Ashton's shoulder and Ashton just smiles.
They are okay.
Maybe two broken men can eventually become whole again as long as there is someone holding them.