Disconnected

Chapter Twenty-one (Superman)

After Kent held me in the classroom a little longer he let me go to get cleaned up I wasn't even aware of that was crying until he told me I was.

He walks me to the parking lot holding my hand! He smiles at me, I can't describe it really, the smile says so much, even though he doesn't say any word. I'm tempted to lean into him, but I refrain from doing so. I explained to Kent how I didn't really go to therapy and, I also told him other things about my sisters, what happened to me when I was thirteen and how Brittany almost died because she tried to commit suicide. I told him all about Ashleys eating disorder and how she was sent to the emergency room for fainting, and Britneys nicotine addiction. Kent just listened throughout it all being there and being supportive. 

"Thank you," I whisper spotting my dad's car.

"For what," he whispers back.

"Everything," I say, dropping his hand and walking to my dad's car where Brittany is waiting for me. 

Once I get in the car she gives me a pointed look, "let me guess you guys are 'just friends'  who hold hands?"

"Actually," I say, "I don't know"

She laughs and drives out of the parking lot where I look at Kent in the rear view mirror as long as cab before he's out of me sight. He just stands there hands in his pockets looking at my dad's car driveing away.  When Kent is out of sight I look at Brittney, remembering the last time she picked me up from school, or well was suposed to. I was thirteen and that day December thirteenth was one of the worst of my life.

"Brittany?" I say her name as if it's a question not yet answered.

She nods at me, "Hhhmmm, what what is Carmen?"

"What made you change?" 

"What do you mean?" She asks, keeping her eyes on the road.

"I mean," I say hesitantly, wondering if I'll upset her, but I press on, "You've changed, your . . . Better, more happy--."

"More happy?" She questions a smile playing across her lips.

"Yes, now shut up and let me finsh. A month ago you hated Ms. Brooks and now you love her what made you change your mind about life?"

Brittany has a nostalgic look on her face, she inhales deeply, "A story,"

"A story?" I echo her uncertain what to think. Did I hear here right?

"A true story," she looks at me at a red light, "I'll tell you if you won't tell anyone else,"

I nod, "Okay, tell me."

"There was this kid, I don't know his name, but he was cutter like me. He lost a lot of things, he was depressed and was trying to hide it from the people who loved him. One morning he decided to end it all - life wasn't worth it anymore he didn't want to live anymore. He wanted to give it all up like me. He planned it out perfectly so know one would know what he was doing until it was too late his brother would be at work and couldn't get there in time. He was going to slice his risk he looked it up on how to do it so he would bleed out the fastest to insure he'd die. So that morning he was going to do it. He threw on a random shirt. He waited for his bother to leave once he did he went into the bathroom, he was going to use a razor to do it. He had the blade to his risk and he prayed that if it wasn't supposed to end like this that 'God would show him a sign right there,' he looked up in the mirror and saw  the shirt he was wearing it was a superhero shirt, superman. In that moment, he changed in that second everything changed. He realized that sometimes you have to be your own hero. Sometimes you have to choose to be the hero or the villain. And sometimes you're the villain and you don't even know it."

She looks at me and I sit there thinking about the impact of those words. Sometimes you villain and you don't even know it. You hurt the poeple around you when you don't want to. My thought drifts to something Fred said at lunch last week.

"Manny villains are misunderstood, take Prometheus for instance, his parents were gunned down by cops! Or Two-Face he had half is face burned off! And  of course, Magneto."

"Magneto is evil not misunderstood." Emit said in his boyish british accent.

"Actually," Fred said, "he is, think about it. He survived the Holocaust, but his parents died in it. That'd be traumatic not to mention he had to watch the repercussions of the Holocaust." And then Fred and Emit broke out into an argument about it.

But I couldn't help, but to think about that. That most villains are the ones that chose the dark side, like Anakin  in star wars;  you don't have to choose the dark sometimes you need a little more light.

"We're here," Brittany announced and we walk into the office building.

For some reason I feel nervous, my hands are sweaty and my heart is thumping against my chest hard.  We enter into a waiting area and there sits mom, dad, and Ashley, all waiting for us here.

"Hi sorry were a little late," Brittany says and sits by mom. I take my own seat and look around the office which feels comfortable. Were on the third floor the window's have pale blue curtains around them, the walls are a faint weight color everything is light colored, but gorgeous all the same.

The door open to my left and the psychologist walks in. "What the heck," I say shell shocked as I recognize the girl in front of me, "Chantelle?"

Chantelle turns to me perpetually as shocked as I am, "Carmen?" She looks  at her clipboard, "Wait, your Carmen Berkeley?" She blinks at me a few times as if I'll dissappear when I don't she smiles, "It's nice to see you again we should get started let's go back to my office which is more private."

She leads us down a hall ways and we walk into her office. Which is green and brown. The two shade of the colors work well together giving the room a homey feel.

"How do you know Carmen?" Ashley questions Chantelle.

"Well, she's my boyfriends little bothers friend they're both in the mathletes  together. He tutors her at Joe's,"

"You mean Kent?" Brittany says all to giddy, I shoot her look.

"Actually yeah," We all sit down. 

Chantelle starts out by asking us a few questions like, "how are you feeling at home?" And, or "Are you comfortable at home?" At that she talks about how we should communicate more as a family. She goes over several things and thing we have to improve on as a a family.

After about a hour, the time is up and we walk back to the main office where Joe is waiting for her in a suite and tie. My parents go ahead and leave, but Ashley has a question so Brittney and I stay.

Chantelle seams confused, "Joe? What are you doing here." He walk up to her and grabs her arms lightly and smiles.

"I remember the moment I first met you," Joe begins to speak,  "It was a Monday at four-thirty PM. I told my friend after five minutes of knowing you that he had a great ketch a keeper for sure, I never would of thought a year later on a Monday at four-thirty PM. he'd say the same thing about the same girl to me. On a Monday at four-thirty PM. I told you I loved you. And now today on a Monday at four-thirty PM. I'm asking to spend the rest of your life with me." Joe had gotten on one knee and pulled out a ring with a  small dimond on it and held it out to her, "I practiced that so manny times convinced I'd mess up, but I didn't. I don't want you to change Chantelle, but if you do I want to change with you. I can't imagine a day without you. So Chantelle Brooks will you marry me?"

The room was silent and then a huge smile broke out on Chantelle's face, "Yes! Yes! I'll marry you! I love you so much!" She jumped up and through her arms around him and hugged him tight and then kissed him.