Immortal Stranger

Diary Entry #32

Diary Entry #31

I wiped the blood off my metal stake and slowly got off Willow. She was so quiet and peaceful that I could almost imagine she was sleeping. Almost.

Dropping the stake, I plunged deeper into the forest. I needed to find Danny.

"Danny!" I cried as I tripped over a bush. I regained my footing but I felt my world sway relentlessly. I blinked to steady it but it continued to move. "Danny!"

Suddenly a cold chill swept over me and I fell to my knees, rubbing myself to stay warm. I could barely move I was so cold.

I shut my eyes as I curled up in a ball. I could feel myself shutting down into a long slumber and I didn't resist. I needed to sleep forever to forget everything I had just gone through.

"Tia!" Danny's masculine voice called and it barely roused me from my sleep. I opened my eyes and they fluttered as I took in Danny's massive form that was teetering towards me.

"Danny," I whispered then I closed my eyes. My world pitched into blackness and I felt content.

"Tia, stay with me! I'm going to warm you up," Danny's voice sounded farther away now and I happily snuggled into his warm body. I purred.

"Are you purring?" He asked, amused. I nodded and cuddled closer. So warm.

Finally the drowsy feeling started to subside. I was able to open my eyes and keep them open as I took in Danny's worried face.

"What happened?" I said as I tried to sit up. Danny pulled me closer and I gave in to his warm body.

"You were going into shock either from the cold or from a trauma," Danny announced. I stared at him and that's when it hit me.

Luke was dead.

Willow killed him.

I killed Willow.

I enjoyed it.

I shut my eyes, trying to block out the terrible images that were flooding through my mind.

"Danny, I did something I shouldn't have," I confessed as I hid my face. I peeked up at his and was surprised to see shame in his eyes too.

"So did I Tia," He murmured as he caressed my back. "I shouldn't have been so jealous of Luke and you. I know that you guys are so close because of the two years I left you and I should be thankful to him for healing you. If you pick Luke, I won't be-"

"He's dead," I said flatly, watching the stars twinkle. I felt Danny's speech replay over and over again in my head, reminding me of what could have been.

"What?" Danny gasped. I nodded and felt an overwhelming desire to cry.

"Willow killed him. She stabbed him then ran away. I was with him for his last moments," I whispered as I continued to stare at the sky, wishing the tears away. I needed to be strong for Danny's sake.

"Oh Tia, I'm so sorry," He muttered as he held me close, " I never meant for any of this to happen. I wanted to get to know Luke just as much now that I know that he is my brother. He had so much to live for. Willow will pay,"

"It's too late," I said as I shook my head. Shame burned on my face and I thought of the empowering feeling I felt when I killed Willow. "I killed her,"

"Good for you Tia. I know they say that revenge is-"

"No, Danny. You don't understand. I killed her and I enjoyed it. I liked watching her bleed out and beg me for mercy. I liked it," I said quietly, feeling ashamed. I was an animal. I was a killer. I was no better than Willow.

"Oh honey," Danny crooned as he continued to stroke my back. Finally that tears came pouring out and I cried for Luke and for Willow. "It's okay Tia."

"It's not though. I'm an animal." I sobbed.

"Tia, you aren't. An animal feels no remorse for their kill; you do. That's the difference, sweetie," He murmured and I felt comforted by his words.

"I am no better than you though, Tia," Danny admitted. I stared at him, surprised with his words.

"What are you talking about?" I asked. This time it was his turn to feel ashamed.

"I... I killed Sam," He whispered. Suddenly I was flashed back to watching a bloody Danny stab Sam with a shard from a metal lamp. I remember urging him not to, claiming it would make him no better than Sam.

Then I was the one that went ahead and killed Willow.

"Danny, we all make mistakes. That's what makes us vulnerable. We all do things we wish we hadn't and we all regret. But that's where we learn. I regret killing Willow and I know I won't ever be able to forgive myself. But that's why we have to move on, knowing that each experience makes us grow a little older inside. We have to leave it behind," I said as each word scratched my throat. I was thinking of Luke and how much we had. I couldn't bare to forget him but I knew I couldn't spend my whole life thinking and missing him. Somethings we just had to let go to show our love.

Then suddenly it all made sense. I understood why Danny left me; it was because he knew that the only way to truly protect me was leave and let Luke do it. He loved me enough to leave me in hopes of giving me a better life.

"I love you Danny," I replied as I pressed my lips against his. The warmth that flooded me made me sure that even if Luke hadn't died, it would have been Danny I would have chose. It always was Danny.

Finally I pulled away, exhausted and warn out.

"May we go back to the castle? Is the fighting over?" I enquired as Danny picked me up. He lifted me with ease and I snuggled into his warm embrace.

"Yes, it ended about an hour ago. We drove out Sam's men easily once they found out their leader was dead. That's why I came out looking for you; to let you know it was safe to go back," I grunted to show I had heard and then I felt my eyes close to the rhythm of Danny's steps.

I felt the wind whip my hair and the stars cast a protective light over me. All I could think of was my bed and snuggling under the warm covers, forgetting all that happened tonight.

But I knew I could never forget.

I would always be dreaming of Luke and his soft ways. I would always be reliving the horror of killing Willow and enjoying it. I would always be remembering this as the night that changed my life.

Then as I felt the smooth covers against my cool arms I couldn't help but pray that the sleep would wash away the hurt and hardness of the night before.

But I knew it never would. I would always have the pain of losing my mate inside me.

More importantly, I would always have the savage memory of the day I almost lost the one thing that kept me grounded.

My humanity.